Now, listen closely, because the grown-ups have gotten things terribly muddled again. They talk about ‘valuations’ and ‘P/E ratios’ as if they’re counting beans. The truth is, the market’s become a bit… bloated. The average company, you see, is asking a rather cheeky price these days – over 31 shiny coins for every pound of earnings. It wasn’t always so. Back in the gloomy days of ’22, you could snag a company for a mere 20 coins. But fear not, because even with just a handful of shillings – around a thousand, let’s say – you can still find a couple of splendid little investments.
1. Uber Technologies
Uber, you see, is a bit like a very clever spider. It’s spun a web all over the world, collecting passengers and delivering dinners. It’s the leader, the absolute top dog, in this ‘ridesharing’ business – a fancy name for giving people lifts. And while that American fellow, DoorDash, hogs all the food deliveries in the States, Uber’s delivery arm actually earns more globally. A rather impressive feat, wouldn’t you agree?
But the real magic, the truly scrumptious bit, lies in these ‘autonomous driving’ contraptions. These driverless cars, you see, could be a game-changer. It’s far cheaper for these robotic vehicles to join Uber’s existing network than to build a whole new system from scratch. Imagine, a fleet of cars zipping around without a single human behind the wheel! It could send Uber’s earnings soaring like a flock of startled pigeons.
Of course, there’s a risk. We don’t know if these driverless cars will actually work properly. They promise safety, but time will tell if they’re just another silly invention. Still, Uber is in a rather fortunate position. It will likely thrive with or without these self-driving machines. In the first nine months of ’25, it raked in nearly $37.7 billion – an 18% jump from the year before – and all with perfectly ordinary, human drivers!
And get this: it even made a profit! A whopping $9.8 billion! Though a bit of that was due to a rather fortunate tax benefit – a sort of windfall, if you will – it still means Uber is doing something right. At a forward P/E ratio of 20, it’s still a bargain compared to the average company. For about $85.40 a share, you can snag six shares with your thousand shillings – a splendid starting investment in a company driving the future, quite literally.
2. AT&T
Now, recommending AT&T might seem a bit odd. It’s had a rather checkered past, a bit like a mischievous goblin. It spent years gobbling up companies – DirecTV and Warner Bros., to name a few – and then spat them out at a loss. It even abandoned its 35-year streak of giving shareholders a little extra each year – a rather shameful act, wouldn’t you say?
But the company has had a change of heart. It’s decided to focus on what it does best: connecting people. It spent $5.75 billion on Lumen’s fiber business and another $23 billion on Echostar’s wireless spectrum – giving it access to some prime radio frequencies. It’s like giving a snail a rocket booster – a bit unnecessary, perhaps, but it should improve its service.
Now, all this spending has left AT&T with a rather hefty debt – $139.5 billion, to be precise. It’s like a greedy giant with pockets overflowing with IOUs. Considering its book value of $127 billion, it’s a bit of a worry, isn’t it?
Still, the dividend remains steady – $1.11 a share, giving a yield of 4.7%. And with $12.4 billion in free cash flow, it should be able to cover the cost. Even with all that, remember this is a mature business. Its revenue in the first nine months of ’25 grew by a mere 2%. But cost-cutting and a bit of luck boosted its net income to $18.1 billion, compared to just $6.7 billion the year before.
This temporarily reduced its P/E ratio to 7.7. Even at a forward P/E of 11, it looks inexpensive. For around $23 a share, you can buy 21 shares with your remaining shillings – a solid investment that should provide a generous dividend and perhaps a bit of growth over the long term.
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2026-01-16 11:53