So, Six Flags. The stock popped this week, apparently because an activist firm – Jana Partners, bless their ambitious hearts – suggested the company sell itself. Nine percent! It’s like finding a twenty in a coat you haven’t worn since college. A pleasant surprise, but doesn’t quite cover the therapy bills. Still, it’s 55% below its high, which, if you think about it, is a pretty dramatic plummet. Like a poorly maintained drop tower. I’ve always suspected theme parks are just elaborate metaphors for the stock market.
Jana bought in during the third quarter of 2025, which feels both recent and impossibly distant, like a forgotten New Year’s resolution. They’re reportedly…disappointed. I can relate. I bought a self-stirring mug last year. Disappointment doesn’t even begin to cover it. The coffee sloshes everywhere. But I digress. Jana thinks Six Flags is mismanaged. They sent a letter, which, judging by the phrasing, was probably typed through gritted teeth. It mentioned “board dysfunction” and “disjointed decision-making.” It sounded a lot like my last family Thanksgiving.
“We have witnessed an alarming pattern of board dysfunction and disjointed decision-making that has become impossible to ignore … It is now in the best interest of shareholders for the company to reverse course and engage with known buyer interest in Six Flags.”
They also want a new board chair. Which, honestly, seems like a reasonable request. A strong leader could really make a difference. Or, at least, prevent things from spiraling further into chaos. Sachem Head Capital Management is also involved, with a 5% stake and an executive on the board. It’s starting to feel less like investing and more like a hostile takeover orchestrated by a particularly ambitious homeowners association. Land & Buildings is pushing for a REIT spin-off. Apparently, real estate is the answer to everything. My aunt Mildred certainly thinks so.
I’m not sure what to make of all these activist investors circling the same stock. Is it a sign of opportunity, or just a recipe for disaster? Too many cooks, as they say. Or, in this case, too many hedge fund managers. Six Flags is intriguing, I’ll grant you that. But $5.4 billion in long-term debt against a market cap of $1.8 billion? That’s a lot of debt. It’s enough to make even a seasoned investor reach for the antacids. They did sell seven parks to EPR Properties for $331 million and refinance some debt. Baby steps, I suppose. Trading at 10 times EBITDA, it’s reasonably priced, but frankly, it’s just too complicated for me. I’m sticking with index funds. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll finally throw away that self-stirring mug.
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2026-03-20 18:22