So, Qualcomm [QCOM 1.05%]. They turned a thousand bucks into two-and-a-half thousand over the last decade. Two-and-a-half! That’s… underwhelming. You know what also turned a thousand bucks into more money? Pretty much anything else. The S&P 500, for example. They managed three-thousand-two-hundred. It’s just… the principle of the thing. You invest, you expect a return. Not just… this. It’s like ordering a pastrami on rye and getting… rye. Just rye.
Apparently, they’ve been a little too focused on phones. Phones! Like that’s a growth industry. Everyone has a phone. It’s reached peak phone. And then there’s MediaTek breathing down their neck. Competition. You’d think a company making tiny little brains for expensive rectangles would have anticipated that. And AI? They missed the boat on AI. The AI boat! It’s like they were on a different ocean. Honestly, it’s just poor planning. And now they’re stuck with all these trade conflicts. U.S. and China. It’s always something. It’s never just… smooth sailing.
They still manage to eke out a profit, and they throw a dividend at you, which is… fine. But it’s not exciting. It’s not Nvidia [NVDA 3.17%] or Broadcom [AVGO 2.99%]. Those guys are doing something. They’re building the future. Qualcomm is… making slightly better phone chips. And they expect you to get thrilled? Is that too much to ask? A little innovation? A little… oomph?
How Fast Are We Talking?
Analysts are predicting a 2% growth rate for the next few years. Two percent! That’s barely keeping up with inflation. It’s like running on a treadmill just to stay in the same place. They say it’s because everyone already has a phone. Well, no kidding! What did they think was going to happen? That people would suddenly start buying five phones each? It’s just… basic math. And now, the AI boom is causing a memory chip shortage. So, fewer phones get made, which means Qualcomm sells fewer chips. It’s a vicious cycle. A perfectly predictable, infuriating cycle.
And Apple [AAPL 0.38%]. Oh, Apple. They’re making their own modems. Of course they are. Everyone wants to control everything. It’s like they’re saying, “We don’t need you anymore.” It’s going to cost Qualcomm eight billion dollars. Eight billion! That’s a lot of money. You know what else costs a lot of money? Therapy. Because dealing with this kind of incompetence requires serious therapy.
They’re hoping a stock buyback will boost earnings per share. A buyback! It’s like rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. It doesn’t actually fix anything. It just… makes the numbers look better for a little while. It’s a temporary distraction. And it’s insulting. Honestly, it’s just… insulting.
Ten Times the Money? Don’t Hold Your Breath.
If they hit these analyst projections – and that’s a big “if” – they might get to $190 a share by 2030. Forty-six percent gain. That’s… okay. It’s not terrible. But it’s not turning a thousand dollars into ten thousand dollars. It’s not life-changing money. It’s enough to buy a slightly nicer toaster. And you know what? I’m starting to suspect that’s the level of ambition we’re dealing with here. Slightly nicer toasters. Is that what we’ve come to?
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2026-03-21 12:04