Government Secretly Hoarding Bitcoin?! Michael Saylor’s $46B Plot Gets Wilder 🦄💸

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If you listen very carefully, somewhere in the murky depths of Wall Street, probably disguised as a potted plant, there’s a financial analyst named Tom Lee-famed for dropping economic bombshells as casually as one drops toast on the floor, butter-side down. Now, thanks to the latest sparkly rumor, Lee and his mate Michael Saylor (who spends his weekends buying Bitcoin like it’s toilet paper in 2020) are the talk of the intergalactic strategy set.

Strategy’s BTC Stash: The Galactic Reserve Theory 🚀

Apparently, Strategy-occasionally mistaken for a mere earthbound company, but actually a cuddly behemoth co-founded by Saylor-manages a 3.2% chunk of all known Bitcoin. That’s roughly $46 billion, which is about enough to buy Greenland with change left over for an ice cream van or two.

Lee, demonstrating an astonishing grasp of the obvious, believes Saylor wants to pile up a million coins-nearly 5% of the entire Bitcoin universe. Why? So he can create a “sovereign put,” which, in English, means “make Uncle Sam’s financial pants very, very interesting.” If the US government tried to buy all those bitcoins itself, they’d end up causing a sale drought so epic, Bitcoin would be worth enough to trade for a SpaceX ticket to the moon. Actually, they’d have to rename it Bitmoon.

The elegant solution, as Lee theorizes, involves Saylor stealthily compiling coins for the US. It’s sort of like a financial ninja, slipping Bitcoin into the government’s wallet without anyone noticing. One can almost hear the Mission Impossible theme playing in the background, mixed with the sound of traders quietly sobbing into their keyboards.

Treasury: Quietly Climbing The ETH Beanstalk 🧙‍♂️💎

But wait, there’s more: Ethereum has become so alluring that Bitmine-a company you’ve probably never heard of unless you’ve lost a bet-suddenly owns a gobsmacking slice of it. Five other corporations have gone full crypto-hoarder, launching Ethereum vaults and planning to raise billions. In short, ETH is being snatched up as if it were rare Pokémon cards circa 1999.

Curiously, crypto oracle Lupin wonders if one of *those* treasuries is sneakily buying ETH for the US. Meanwhile, HEX overlord Richard Heart-who collects coins with the gusto of a magpie in a jewelry shop-loaded up on Ethereum earlier in 2024 and is now dancing around like he predicted the apocalypse but everyone’s thrilled about it.

Globally, between Strategy’s Bitcoin binge, Bitmine’s asset accumulation, and institutions rolling out Ethereum welcome mats, Lupin is pondering whether this market is bullish, bearish, or has simply lost its marbles. To top it all, Strategy recently gobbled up 155 more BTC (a modest $18 million), bringing its pile to a grand 628,946 coins. That’s $46.09 billion if you count by earth currencies (or one slightly-used Death Star, if you’re interested).

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2025-08-12 23:12