FTX’s $1.6B Payday: Crypto Creditors Rejoice, SBF Appeals 🤑⚖️

by

Well, slap my wallet and call me solvent-the FTX Recovery Trust has decided to sprinkle a cool $1.6 billion into the laps of its long-suffering creditors. 🎉 Yes, you read that right. Another tranche of cash is on its way, because nothing says “sorry for losing your life savings” like a belated payout. 😏

According to a Friday announcement (because nothing says “good news” like ending the workweek), the distribution is set for September 30. Creditors, grab your calculators-you’ll have the funds in your accounts within three business days. Or, as I like to call it, “crypto time.” ⏳

Here’s the breakdown, because who doesn’t love a good pie chart without the pie? 🥧 Dotcom Customer claims get 6%, US Customer Entitlement Claims snag 40%, and General Unsecured Claims and Digital Asset Loan Claims walk away with 24%. But the real MVPs are the Convenience claims, getting a whopping 120% reimbursement. Overachievers, am I right? 🏆

This latest payout follows a $1.2 billion handout in February and a $5 billion sprinkle in May. The trust still has up to $16.5 billion in assets, which is enough to make even Scrooge McDuck blush. 🤑 But let’s not forget the elephant in the room-or should I say, the crypto crash of 2022 that made everyone question their life choices. 📉

Speaking of poor life choices, let’s talk about Sam “SBF” Bankman-Fried, the former FTX CEO who’s now trading his hoodie for a prison jumpsuit. 🦹‍♂️→🦹‍♀️ In November 2023, he was found guilty on seven charges, including wire fraud, securities fraud, and money laundering. His reward? A cozy 25-year stay in a federal resort, courtesy of Judge Lewis Kaplan, who called his actions a “serious” crime. Shocking, I know. 😒

But wait, there’s more! SBF’s attorneys are gearing up to appeal his conviction in November, claiming he didn’t get a fair trial because everyone already thought he was guilty. 🤷‍♂️ Oh, and they’re also arguing that FTX was never insolvent-it was just, you know, *misplacing* billions. Sure, Jan. 🙄

So, there you have it: creditors getting paid, SBF fighting back, and the crypto world still trying to figure out what’s real. Stay tuned, folks-this circus isn’t over yet. 🎪

Read More

2025-09-20 01:06