Ah, the father of our illustrious crypto investor has taken a hiatus from reality—a mysterious vanishing act that would make even the cleverest of magicians turn green with envy. His family is embroiled in a delightful sense of worry, lest he has been whisked away by nefarious characters skilled in the arts of abduction!
Wen Hou, the chief investment officer of Coincident Capital (certainly a title that echoes in the hallowed halls of finance), suspects that his poor father, Naiping Hou, might be tangled in a web spun of digital doubloons. Yes, apparently, wealth and wisdom are not always intertwined; how curious!
The younger Hou recounts to the curious ears of ABC7 Eyewitness News that since a mild fishing expedition in March—where presumably neither fish nor father was caught—he hasn’t laid his eyes upon the elderly gentleman, now a delightful 74 summers of age. The authorities are scratching their heads, asking, “Was it the fish that stole him away, or the crypto riches?”
Wen, in a modern twist of fate, claims to have sent messages to his father’s phone, only to realize he wasn’t chatting with the sage and seasoned Naiping, but perhaps a sly rascal hiding behind a veil of anonymity. The elder, once a devotee of his grandkids, now seemingly prefers saying, “I’m too busy plotting my next fishing trip,” or “Let’s have tea at a later date… if I survive this wave of crypto doom.”
“Why, I have the younglings clamoring for stories of their grandfather, and yet, each message is met with ‘I’ll get back to you,’” Wen laments, as if he were reciting a tragic play!
As if this were not enough, Wen’s band of family friends gallantly ventured to the elder’s home, only to find it empty—a house now as desolate as a poet’s heart on a rainy day.
But wait! The plot thickens with over a million dollars disappearing as if it were strewn about a magician’s stage. Why, the funds were rumored to be swiftly moved to acquire—of all things—gold! And one must wonder, how does a man with the online savvy of a cabbage execute such transactions? Truly, one can only gasp in astonishment! 🌽💰
The ever-watchful San Bernardino County Sheriff’s Department has gotten wind of this delightful upheaval, and with pockets that would make Scrooge McDuck blush, the Hou family is all set to dangle a $250,000 carrot—a reward for any sage advice that may shed light upon the curious calamity at hand.
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2025-07-17 17:01