Ah, what a farce! Coinbase, that cunning jester of the financial world, has finally unleashed its perpetual futures upon the American stage, allowing eligible users to dive into this comedy of errors starting July 21. Imagine the spectacle—traders prancing about with their nano Bitcoin and nano Ether futures, all under the guise of innovation. 😂
On a most auspicious Monday, the exchange decreed that U.S. folk could now tango with perpetual derivatives through their Coinbase Financial Markets account. Yes, you heard right: BTC-PERP and ETH-PERP are here, ready to whisk you away on a rollercoaster of risk and reward. Because nothing says “fun” like betting on crypto without an end date. 😏
Perpetual Futures: The 90% Obsession That’s Almost Too Ridiculous
In this grand revival of crypto madness across the U.S., Coinbase joins the fray with Bitcoin and Ethereum perpetuals, all thanks to a regulatory shift that’s as supportive as a poorly timed joke. These derivatives let traders leverage their wagers to absurd heights, sans those pesky monthly expirations—truly a gift for the gamblers among us. And get this: perpetual futures gobble up nearly 90% of crypto trading volumes worldwide. While international users have been frolicking in this chaos for ages, U.S. regulations kept Coinbase at bay like a strict chaperone. Not anymore! 💸
“The wait is over—perpetual futures have descended upon the U.S.!” Coinbase boasted on X, no doubt with a flourish and a wink, as if they’ve just cured the plague. 🙄
Picture this: no monthly goodbyes, just endless trading bliss with up to 10x leverage and fees that make you question reality—starting at a mere 0.02%. These perpetual futures stretch out to a whopping five-year horizon, letting traders amplify their positions like overzealous actors stealing the show. But oh, the irony! With such power comes the ever-present slapstick of potential ruin. Leverage can turn profits into feasts or losses into famines faster than you can say “market crash.” Tread carefully, or you might end up as the punchline. 👻
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2025-07-21 23:03