Russia’s ATM Crackdown: Crypto Traders Left in Tears 😭💸

This melodrama stems from a surge in financial scams-273,100 incidents totaling ₽6.3 billion in Q2 2025 alone. The CBR, ever the vigilant guardian of fiscal propriety, has decreed that banks monitor transactions against nine criteria. Should one criterion be met, customers are lovingly notified and promptly restricted to their meager ₽50,000 allowance for 48 hours. For larger sums, they must endure the indignity of visiting a physical branch-a journey akin to scaling Mount Everest in red tape.

Breaking: Brazilian Bank Creates Crypto Unit, Appoints Former Hashdex Guru 😱

This isn’t their first rodeo with crypto, mind you. Oh no, they’ve already dabbled in Bitcoin ETFs and retirement funds that flirt with digital assets. But apparently, that wasn’t enough to satisfy their insatiable appetite for blockchain-based chaos. “Crypto is volatile,” says Cunha, as if stating the obvious wasn’t his entire job description. “It’s new, it’s wild, and it’s got alpha written all over it.” Well, thank you, Captain Obvious, for that riveting insight. 🚀💰

Big Money Bets On Ethereum: 218,750 ETH Bought in 2 Days! 🚀💰

But fear not, dear reader, because there’s a twist! Institutional players seem totally unfazed by all this chaos. In fact, they’re going all-in on Ethereum like a bunch of high-rollers at a casino. According to the magical data wizardry of Lookonchain, these whales and big institutions gobbled up a staggering 218,750 ETH (that’s about $942.8 million, in case you were wondering) in just two days. That’s not pocket change, folks-these are big bets, and they’re betting on Ethereum to keep rocking as the main act in the crypto circus. 🍿

Justin Sun’s $10M Wallet Drama: Crypto, Freezes & WTF Moments Unfold!

“We believe U.S.-listed crypto stocks are an undervalued opportunity,” Sun proclaimed, probably while dramatically adjusting his futuristic sunglasses. “So I shall market buy $10 million worth of ALTS and an equally awkward $10 million of $WLFI,” he declared, waving his crypto wallet like it was Excalibur.

Coinbase Adds Sei, Pepe, Bonk, and PUMP: The Wild New Future of Crypto Collateral

Now, for those of you who missed this *revolutionary* announcement: Sei (SEI), Pepe (PEPE), Bonk (BONK), and Pump.fun (PUMP)-along with a few other “less famous” coins like Bittensor, Fartcoin (yes, you read that correctly), Pudgy Penguins, and Aerodrome Finance-are now eligible as collateral for perpetual futures trading. Truly a landmark moment in cryptocurrency history. 🥳

MARA’s 705 BTC: Miners in Shock!

MARA led several Bitcoin miners in output and overall growth in August. The firm reported that it produced 705 BTC last month – A slight bump from July’s 703 BTC. 🧠

XRP’s Wild Ride: $6B Surge, Market Chaos, and a Dash of Sarcasm 😎

And then there was XRP, the plucky underdog of the crypto world, which saw its volume skyrocket by 44%, hitting a jaw-dropping $6.57 billion. Yes, you read that right-billions. Someone call the Guinness Book of World Records because this is starting to feel like the financial equivalent of eating 80 hot dogs in ten minutes. 🌭

Le Bitcoin Refuse Encore le $113k, Tandis que les Coupes des Taux de la Fed Sont Attendues 🤑💰

Dans un mouvement digne d’un acteur sur scène, le couple BTC/USD a fait une entrée remarquée lors de la séance tardive de Londres, atteignant son apogée à environ 113 000 dollars au début de la séance de New York. Hélas, comme tout bon drame, la gloire fut de courte durée, et BTC est retombé à environ 110 713 dollars à l’heure où ces lignes sont écrites.