THIS ISN’T JUST A STOCK-IT’S A FREAKING LEGACY OF PHARMA’S GREATEST MINDFK. ABBVIE, THAT SLEAZY YOUNG GUN THAT SPLIT FROM ABBOTT LIKE A DRUG-ADDLED SIBLING, HAS TURNED PATENT PROTECTION INTO A FORTRESS OF FORTUNE. WHILE THE REST OF THE INDUSTRY HOPS ON THE DIVIDEND BANDWAGON, ABBVIE’S QUARTERLY PAYMENT HAS DONE THE WILD DANCE OF 221.6%-A NUMBER THAT MAKES YOUR GRANDMA’S RETIREMENT ACCOUNT FEEL LIKE A BURNT CIGAR.
LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HUMIRA, THAT LUCRATIVE GHOST THAT WALKED INTO THE PATENT CLIFF AND CAME OUT WITH A BONUS. ABBVIE SPUN OFF IN 2013 LIKE A BLOOD-SUCKING VAMPIRE, LEAVING ABBOTT TO DEAL WITH THE CARNAGE. BUT HERE’S THE TRICK: THEY STACKED PATENTS LIKE BRICKS IN A TOWER, HOLDING OFF BIOSIMILARS UNTIL 2023. IT WASN’T JUST A PATENT-IT WAS A GODDAMN WALL OF LEGAL FEAR.
AND NOW? SKYRIZI, THE NEW LEAD DRUG, IS A LITTLE KID IN A BIG MAN’S SHOES. INJECTABLES? THEY’RE THE FIVE-STAR HOTELS OF MEDICINE-COMPLICATED, EXPENSIVE, AND FULL OF OPPORTUNITIES TO EXTEND EXCLUSIVITY. IT’S LIKE PLAYING CHESS WITH A GUN.
Skyrizi’S SALES? THEY’RE NOT JUST UP-THEY’RE SCREAMING. 69% GROWTH IN 2025? THAT’S LIKE A DRUG-ADDLED CHICKEN RUNNING A MARATHON. RINVOQ? IT’S THE SILENT KILLER, RACKING UP $3.7 BILLION WHILE HUMIRA’S SHADOW SHRINKS. ABBVIE’S TOTAL REVENUE? IT’S RISING LIKE A FREAKING FETID MIST IN A TROPICAL SWAMP.
AND THE DIVIDEND? A 3.1% YIELD THAT MAKES YOUR WALLET DO THE SQUAT. IF ABBVIE CAN EXTEND EXCLUSIVITY FOR SKYRIZI AND RINVOQ LIKE THEY DID FOR HUMIRA, SHAREHOLDERS WILL BE SOARING ON A FREAKING DIVIDEND DRUG. BUT WATCH OUT-THEY’RE PLAYING A GAME OF PATENT POKER, AND THE HOUSE ALWAYS WINS.
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2025-09-08 11:39