Indeed, dear reader! Justin’s public wallets show he now holds $534 million in Ethereum (mostly staked as STETH) and a mere $519 million in TRX. Who would have thought? His own creation seems to be taking a backseat in his portfolio. 😂
On November 4, like a thief in the night, the firm slyly submitted the filing to the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC), laying out a trust structure that will hold XRP in the cold embrace of Coinbase Trust, with the CME CF XRP-USD benchmark to set the pricing. The cherry on top? A meager 0.19% sponsor fee, waived for the first $5 billion in assets under management – at least until May 2026. 🍒
Lawmakers, always one step behind (or so they’d like us to think), are now calling for a more modest version of the plan. Some even argue that the digital euro is simply duplicating what the market’s already doing. Meanwhile, the EU’s crypto regulations? Oh, they might accidentally help out the good ol’ U.S. of A. in the process. Can’t make this stuff up, folks.
The rules? Oh, they’re as strict as a Canadian winter. ❄️ Companies issuing stablecoins will have to play by the book: protect users’ money, safeguard personal information, and pass national security checks. Redemption policies will be clearer than a mountain lake, ensuring you can always swap your coins for cold, hard cash. 🏦 According to the budget report, the Bank of Canada will be the ringmaster of this circus, managing the system and handling its funding. They’ll stash away $10 million over two years, starting in 2026-2027, to get the ball rolling. After that, stablecoin issuers will foot the bill with annual fees of about $5 million. 💼
The slide, a tragicomedy of misplaced confidence, marks a new act in Bitcoin’s ongoing correction. Traders, once buoyed by optimism, now squirm like ants under a magnifying glass.
Announced on Tuesday, my dears, this transaction is set to plump up Canaan’s balance sheet like a well-fed goose, reducing its reliance on those tiresome at-the-market (ATM) capital raises. Under the deal, these savvy investors snapped up 63.7 million American depositary shares-Canaan’s Class A stock, no less-at a mere $1.13 each. A registered direct offering, of course. How très chic! 🥂
As reported by U.Today, Ripple has secured a staggering $500 million from Fortress Investment Group, Pantera Capital, Galaxy Digital, and other “major names.” One can only imagine the champagne flowing like a waterfall at their next board meeting. 🥂
This token has crashed the top 100 cryptocurrencies like it’s a party it wasn’t invited to, with its market cap now strutting past $500 million. And it’s doing all this while the rest of the crypto market is sulking in the corner, nursing its wounds. ZKsync, meanwhile, is over here like, “Downturn? I barely know her!” 😎
A filing with the Securities and Exchange Commission-document number 4,723,901 in the endless saga of human avarice-revealed that Gimbal Financial had, sometime between sips of overpriced bourbon and muttered prayers to the algorithm gods, amassed this position during Q3. By September 30, the ETF had become the firm’s second-largest holding, valued at $17.59 million. One might call it a “strategic allocation.” A cynic would call it buying a lottery ticket and calling it a business plan.
Bitcoin struggles to recoup losses that sparked multimonth lows under $100,000-because who needs confidence when you can have chaos? 🐳💸
