It’s all terribly familiar, actually. Reminds me of the crypto boom. Remember that? It started as something slightly dodgy, hidden away in corners of the internet, and then, suddenly, everyone was talking about it. “Disruptive technology!” they cried. “The future of finance!” I mostly remember a lot of red candles.
But I’ll tell you what, I reckon the stock’s been knocked down a bit too hard. It’s like a good plow horse that’s stumbled – still got plenty of pullin’ left in it. Yes, they’re spendin’ a fortune, no denyin’ that. But when it comes to cloud computin’, Amazon’s the biggest, most seasoned operator in the whole blamed territory. They didn’t just stumble into this business; they built the road, if you catch my drift. And now, just when some folks thought the road was paved, it’s startin’ to hum with a new kind of energy.
This isn’t some casual stroll through the financial district; it’s a new position, representing 4.55% of Starboard’s 13F reportable assets. Four point five five percent! That’s like ordering a pizza and only getting half the toppings. A tragic amount, really. Speaking of which, let’s see what else Starboard’s been up to. Their top holdings, as of December 31, 2025, are:
By the closing bell, the stock had gained 5.8%, though earlier in the day it briefly touched a more optimistic 16.4%. A fleeting moment of enthusiasm, quickly tempered, as is so often the case.
The hype machine is working overtime, painting a picture of a glorious future. But let’s be real. Building cars is hard. Like, really hard. It’s not like launching a meme. And while I appreciate Rivian’s foray into self-driving tech – because who doesn’t want a robot chauffeur? – they’re playing in a sandbox where Tesla already owns all the shovels and buckets. Even Google, with its Waymo taxis, has a bigger pile of cash to throw at the problem. This isn’t a fair fight. It’s like bringing a spork to a gunfight.
Imagine, if you will, a world where regulatory hawks circle the skies, their beady eyes fixed upon the unsuspecting coder. The case of Tornado Cash, a tempest in a teapot, stirred fears that open-source developers might be branded as criminals. Oh, the horror! The bill, with a flourish of legislative quill, amends Section 1960 of the U.S. Code, a statute originally crafted to combat money laundering but lately wielded with the precision of a blindfolded swordsman. Henceforth, only those who control assets or execute transfers shall feel the cold embrace of the law, while the pure-hearted coders, who merely write and distribute, shall roam free.
The clever chaps over at Polymarket, those who wager on these sorts of things, aren’t exactly bursting with optimism. They reckon the chances of Bitcoin hitting $150,000 this year are… well, let’s just say a particularly small slice of the pie. About 10%, if you’re keeping score. Which is remarkably low, considering they also give it a 10% chance of plummeting all the way back down to $20,000. A most peculiar situation, wouldn’t you agree? It’s as if the market can’t quite decide whether to send it soaring or shove it in the mud.
The incoming administration, it appears, intends to redraw the cartography of trade. The initial year, a deceptive calm, masked a subtle erosion of the dollar’s dominion – a weakening, as if the very foundations of exchange were shifting beneath our feet. The recent judicial pronouncements, while seemingly reversing course, are but temporary dams against a tide of potential re-evaluation. The proposed tariffs, now recast and threatened anew, are not simply economic measures, but acts of ontological disruption, altering the very being of value. The refund of collected tariffs – a sum bordering on the astronomical – feels less like fiscal policy and more like an attempt to square a circle, a desperate measure to reconcile the illusory with the real.
Observe, if you will, the current state of affairs. The market, puffed up with its own importance, trades at valuations that would make even the most audacious speculator blush. Growth stocks, those glittering promises of future riches, are priced as if already delivered. The S&P 500, that grand index of American enterprise, boasts a price-to-earnings ratio of 30—a figure so lofty it threatens to detach from reality. It is as if the entire exchange has succumbed to a fever dream of perpetual prosperity!
The market, it seems, has decided to be frightfully sensitive to the company’s rather sensible decision to prioritize user acquisition over immediate monetization. One assumes the chaps in charge have considered the long game, even if the short-term results are causing a bit of a flutter amongst the more excitable investors.