usdaed

In the grand theatre of market chaos, over 117,978 traders-longs and shorts-found themselves purged in a whirlwind of losses totaling approximately $342 million. Bitcoin? Leading the parade with a formidable $116 million lost, proving that in crypto, fortune favors the bold… and occasionally the foolish. The shorts, in particular, took the brunt – roughly $107 million, as they bet on further decline and got… well, a surprise rally instead. Classic! 😄

Bitcoin, ever the opportunist, joins the risk assets in their triumphant rebound, as if the US government’s shutdown were but a fleeting nightmare. 🌈

Apparently, there was a BLP Testnet launch. Which, let’s be real, sounds like something out of a sci-fi film. But apparently, it’s good news for the whole ‘lending and borrowing’ thing in DeFi – which is, I’m told, exciting. Big players are throwing money around like confetti, naturally, creating a little bit of a wobble (aka volatility, for the uninitiated). You know, because why not?

Qian, a fugitive who mastered the art of “I’m not a criminal… I’m a wealth deity!” since 2017 (using expired passports and a Wikipedia of hilighter smearies), is now set for a London trial that feels like a real-life version of “The Attorney Inevitably Wins 😬.”

Ledger, the French company that’s basically the Fort Knox of crypto wallets, is plotting a public listing next year. Because what says “trust” better than going public while hackers are busy robbing exchanges like it’s Black Friday at the mall? 🛍️

Chainlink (LINK) price is up 7% over the past 24 hours, currently trading around $16.20. The daily chart shows a recent bounce from the descending channel support near $13.70. The price now appears to be tracking toward a retest of the descending trendline resistance, which marks the upper boundary of the channel and projects to around $17.50. Because who doesn’t want to chase a moving target? 🎯

In the quaint realm of finance, where majestic theories often lead to the unassuming concrete walls of banking, Governor Miran appears to have embarked on an intriguing fantasy. These-these dollar-sterilized stablecoins-have caught quite the buzz. And why not? They disguise themselves as digital tokens, likened to stampeding bulls with the U.S. dollar as their majestic flag.

In 2025, the American economic theater still holds its breath for Bitcoin’s next act, as sentiment pirouettes between hope and despair like a moth drawn to a flame-or a crypto investor to a candlestick chart. 🌟

In the dim glow of monitors across the realm, Bitcoin, the ever-vigilant sentinel, vaulted beyond the lofty peak of $103,000, while Ethereum shrugged on an enthusiastic 3% and a flock – Solana and XRP among them – fluttered higher in the newfound breeze. An elusive surreptitious wink from the twisted hand of policy appeared and vanished like smoke, igniting a spectacle on Truth Social, only to fade back into the enigmatic whispers that ripple the invisible markets.

Ah, but the Supreme Soviet lurked in the shadows, sharpening their quills to dissect this tariff theology. Would they bless this economic alchemy? Would they dare question His Authority? The market held its breath, caught between hope and the familiar stench of bureaucratic betrayal.