It’s always the quiet ones, isn’t it? Or, in this case, the President of Go To Market. Scott Lovett, at Fastly, apparently decided to offload a chunk of his stock. Seventy-three thousand, seven hundred and fifteen shares. It sounds…precise. Like a recipe for something you wouldn’t want to eat. I read the SEC filing, of course. Because that’s how I spend my Saturdays. And it wasn’t a fire sale, not exactly. Just a methodical thinning of the herd. A cool $1.6 million worth of stock. Which, let’s be honest, is more than I earn in a decade. Probably more than I’ll ever earn.
The analysts, bless their hearts, are trying to spin this as…nothing. “Oh, it’s just tax obligations!” they chirp. “He’s still got plenty left!” As if that makes it okay. It’s like watching someone casually discard a perfectly good yacht and then acting surprised when people notice. He still holds 1,580,513 shares, valued at roughly $31.7 million. A comfortable sum. Enough to insulate you from, well, everything. Including the existential dread of working in tech.
They’ve constructed a little table, which is always reassuring. Numbers neatly arranged, pretending to convey meaning. Shares sold: 73,715. Transaction value: $1.6 million. Post-transaction shares: 1,580,513. It’s all very…clinical. Like a doctor delivering bad news. “You have a slight surplus of capital, sir. We’re going to have to rectify that.”
Apparently, this sale represents 4.46% of his holdings. Which, if you think about it, is a significant percentage. It’s like admitting you’ve been secretly hoarding 4.46% more happiness than everyone else. And deciding to share…with your tax bracket. They compare it to his previous sales. He usually offloads a smaller percentage. 2.36%, apparently. So, he’s accelerating the process. It’s like a slow leak turning into a burst pipe.
Fastly itself is…a thing. An edge cloud platform. I don’t pretend to understand it. Something about Compute@Edge and edge security solutions. It sounds expensive. And vaguely threatening. They serve digital publishing, media, technology, e-commerce, travel, hospitality, and financial services companies. Which is to say, everyone who’s trying to extract as much money from you as possible, as quickly as possible.
Revenue was $624.02 million. Net income? Negative $121.68 million. They have 1,100 employees. I suspect most of them are trying to figure out what an edge cloud platform actually does. And the stock is up 203.60% in a year. Which means it could just as easily go down 203.60% tomorrow. That’s how these things work, isn’t it? A thrilling rollercoaster ride powered by anxiety and hope.
The real story, of course, is artificial intelligence. Apparently, Fastly speeds up websites and apps for visitors. And when AI systems like ChatGPT scour those websites for information, Fastly gets paid. It’s like being a toll booth operator on the information superhighway. A slightly parasitic, but undeniably lucrative, position. So, they’re telling shareholders to hold on tight. Don’t sell now. But the price-to-sales ratio is six, which is high. So, don’t buy either. Just…wait. Wait for the inevitable crash. Or the equally improbable surge. It’s a comforting thought, isn’t it? That everything is ultimately meaningless.
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2026-03-13 06:02