Now, while the figures waltz about like confused dancers at a ball, it’s worth noting that OpenAI has recently closed a funding round of such staggering proportions that it leaves one dizzy: $157 billion! Nvidia’s participation is akin to adding a touch of spice to an already rich stew, signaling that our dear ‘AI Supercycle’ has indeed been fed well and is now fully capitalized.
The gold stocks, bless their fickle hearts, took a tumble even steeper than the gold itself. Shares of Newmont (NEM +4.00%) and Barrick Mining (B +2.41%) both lost a considerable portion of their value – a double-digit percentage, they said. Which led a man to wonder if maybe, just maybe, there was a bargain to be had. A chance to scoop up some shiny metal at a price a reasonable fella could afford.
Monero’s price has heroically defended the $380 “support zone” (translation: the price level traders nervously bet on) and even managed a modest pullback during its midday nap. Sellers, who’ve been bullying the market lately, seem to have taken a coffee break. As XMR approached the channel’s lower edge, the usual panic-selling slowed, leaving behind those telltale “downside wicks” that scream, “We’re done here!” Technically speaking, the $360-$380 range is now the VIP lounge for buyers-if they can hold it, that is.
They’re sending out these press releases, bragging about volume records. Volume records! As if quantity equals quality. I’m pretty sure my garbage can has a volume record. Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing. And then they raised the distribution for the 27th year in a row. Twenty-seven! It’s almost…suspicious. Like they’re trying to get you hooked. And then you’re stuck with the K-1 form. A K-1! Who even needs a K-1? It’s like they’re deliberately making it difficult.
Robinhood, you must understand, isn’t merely a trading platform; it’s become a sort of…clearing in the forest where retail investors gather. A rather crowded clearing, admittedly, now offering not just the usual arrows and swords (stocks), but also options and, of course, the aforementioned digital badger-coins. It’s been reporting growth rates that would make a gnome blush, and continues to add new and shiny things, expanding its territory with the zeal of a particularly ambitious goblin king. It’s even venturing into new markets, which is always a good sign, unless those markets are guarded by particularly grumpy trolls.
Indeed, the stock, once buoyed by the enthusiasm of the smaller investors—those drawn to the allure of a quick gain—has begun to falter. It lingers, suspended between hope and disappointment, as if pondering the emptiness of such transient triumphs. The descent, slow at first, now gathers a troubling momentum, a testament to the unforgiving nature of capital.
Chewy. It’s… comforting, isn’t it? Like a warm blanket and a slightly judgmental cat. It’s an e-commerce retailer selling pet food and supplies. Which, let’s face it, is a remarkably stable business. People love their pets, and they’re not going to skip feeding Fluffy just because the market is having a wobble. (Current Level of Financial Responsibility: Questionable.) The stock is currently trading at a forward P/E of 18.5x for fiscal 2026, which, in this climate, feels almost…reasonable.
Enter Applied Digital (APLD +5.46%). They’ve rather cleverly positioned themselves as builders of these…well, let’s call them ‘AI hotels’ – enormous, high-tech data centers specifically geared towards housing the computational needs of this burgeoning artificial world. The company is betting big, and expects a frankly astonishing amount of growth as these facilities come online over the next few years. Which leads to the inevitable question: could investing in this company today actually turn you into a millionaire? It’s a tempting thought, isn’t it? Though, as my grandmother used to say, if something sounds too good to be true…
Investors are worried, you see, that Artificial Intelligence will make all this cloud software… unnecessary. Like buggy whips after the automobile. The idea is companies will build their own tools, in-house, using AI, and won’t need to pay subscriptions anymore. A sensible fear, perhaps. Though, humans being humans, they’ll probably find a way to mess it up anyway.
Iger, the man who seemingly can’t quite retire, has decided to actually, properly, step aside. This time, though, he and the board seem to have made a marginally more sensible choice. D’Amaro. The current chairman of Disney Experiences. Which, let’s face it, is the only part of the company consistently printing money. Parks and experiences. It’s… predictable. But sometimes, predictable is good. Especially when your stock price is looking a little peaky.