Iren’s 10% Rally Leaves Me Unimpressed

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There I was, sipping my overpriced oat milk latte, when the market decided to throw Iren (IREN) a party. Again. Another 10% surge, another round of backslapping for a company that’s essentially a glorified electricity bill with a tech bro veneer. The S&P 500? It trudged forward like a toddler in a snowstorm-0.3% increase. How *dramatic*. As if anyone cares about fractions when you can just… *double* your price target. Twice. In one day. What even *is* this? A game show?

A Pair of Overcorrected Analysts

Raising a stock’s valuation by more than 100% is like telling someone they’re “a 10/10” after they accidentally text you a photo of their cat wearing a party hat. It’s either a compliment or a punchline, and honestly? I’m still waiting for the punchline. Cantor Fitzgerald’s Brett Knoblauch-yes, that’s a name that screams “financial rigor”-decided Iren’s fair value was suddenly $100. From $49. Overnight. Because nothing says “trust me” like doubling down on a number that previously sounded like a guess made while juggling flaming torches.

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His reasoning? “Upward adjustments” and “high-potential AI cloud services.” Oh, sure. Because nothing says “sustainable growth” like piling onto a trend that’s already been hyped since the ’90s. Did he check if the servers are plugged in? Did he ask if the AI actually *works*? No! He just saw a buzzword and thought, “This is the kind of thing people clap for at conferences.” Meanwhile, BTIG’s Gregory Lewis-another name that feels like a corporate nickname contest winner-jacked his target to $75 from $32. Like, congrats, Greg. You found a 200% margin of error. Maybe next time, try predicting the weather?

A Heavy Lift for Whom?

And let’s not forget the pièce de résistance: both analysts kept their “buy” ratings. As if a 100% revision to a number no one actually *uses* qualifies as a recommendation. It’s the financial equivalent of me telling you I “really like” your new haircut, which you got in 2017. The reasoning? “Not immediately apparent.” Of course it isn’t. That’s the point. You don’t need logic when you’ve got a spreadsheet and a deadline.

So here we are. A stock that’s up 10% because two men in suits said “bullish” while staring at numbers they probably copied from a Wikipedia page. And I’m sitting here, wondering why anyone still believes in “price targets” when the only thing they target is your patience. 🤷‍♂️

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2025-10-15 01:22