Kang Joon-hyun, a Democratic Party lawmaker, ominously declared that if the bill isn’t delivered on time, “we’ll take a drive through legislation by the secretary of the political affairs committee.” Because nothing says “democratic process” like a midnight drive-thru 🚗💨.
The Russell 2000 and S&P SmallCap 600 indexes, once the beating hearts of speculative fervor, have grown complacent. Over five years, they’ve coughed up paltry returns-38% and 44%, respectively-while value-oriented small-cap funds withered into obscurity. Investors, seduced by the siren song of AI-driven giants, have left the underdogs to gnaw on scraps. But in this bleak landscape, the Avantis ETF (AVUV +0.20%) has clawed its way to prominence, a testament to the quiet resilience of those who refuse to surrender to the tide.
Lo! The odds have ascended to 66% and 74% respectively, as if the very markets themselves have been bewitched by the siren song of digital coin. Mr. Hassett’s credentials include a stint upon Coinbase’s advisory council (a fact whispered in hushed tones at White House soirées) and a seven-figure stake in the exchange, which he presumably keeps locked in a mahogany cabinet labeled “For Emergencies and/or Revolutionizing Finance.” His leadership of the digital asset working group, meanwhile, has rendered him a veritable crypto-celebrity, though one suspects the Federal Reserve’s dowdy old guard might find such enthusiasm vulgar. 🏦✨
Authorities, ever the pedants, clarified that while a stablecoin might mimic the gait of fiat currency, it lacks the royal bloodline to qualify as legal tender. Attempting to spend it on groceries? A high treasonous act against the state’s monetary sovereignty. One might as well try to pay for a Rolls-Royce with Monopoly money.
Colin Talks Crypto, that modern-day Cassandra of the crypto realm, has unveiled his 12-month prophecy. With a flourish of his quill, he declares: a mere 20% chance Bitcoin will soar directly to uncharted peaks. Instead, he foresees a more measured ascent-a climb to the $100,000-$115,000 range, followed by a dramatic interlude. This correction, he muses, could be a brisk 6-8-month retreat or a protracted year-long slumber. Either way, he admonishes, do not mistake the current fervor for the final crescendo. 🎭
Turns out crypto’s still got its fingers in the macroeconomic cookie jar. 🍪 Who knew? Billions wiped out faster than Larry David can complain about a parking spot. 🚗🤷♂️
Apparently, they’re so serious about this that they applied for a U.S. banking license last October through their subsidiary, Connectia Trust. 🏦 But, plot twist! Community banks are throwing a fit over regulations. 🏛️🤷♀️ Classic. Can’t we all just get along and let Sony rule the world in peace?
Mr. Nate Geraci, a gentleman of some repute at The ETF Store, has seen fit to announce, via the modern miracle of “X,” that this new instrument is expected to grace the exchanges presently. He further observes that Grayscale intends to refine its existing Chainlink private trust, transforming it into a publicly traded entity. A most curious undertaking!
Post-incident, ADA decided to take a leisurely stroll downward, settling into a lower price bracket-probably in protest. Support and resistance zones still hang in the air like an awkward family dinner, with experts warning that if ADA can muster up the courage to climb higher, we could see a year-end rally. Or it could just keep wandering in the wilderness, range-bound and confused. Either way, grab some popcorn. 🍿
The fall was so dramatic, it would’ve made Pushkin weep. In mere hours, $650 million in positions liquidated like a poorly kept secret-390% more than the previous 24! A cakewalk for the bears, one would say, if bears wore top hats and smoked imperial cigars. 🐻🎩
