Ah, behold! The illustrious Sir Stelios Haji-Ioannou, that cunning fox of the skies with his EasyJet, hath now descended upon the crypto realm with EasyBitcoin-a trading app born of a dalliance with Uphold, the regulated exchange. 🧐✨
In the merry month of September, this knight of commerce doth unveil his latest jest, vowing to fling open the gates of Bitcoin to the common folk, slashing fees and scattering incentives like crumbs to pigeons. 🕊️💰
The “Easy” Masquerade: A Brand for Every Folly
Mark well, dear reader, for this is but the latest chapter in the grand saga of the “Easy” empire, stretching its tentacles into 350 ventures-from gyms to coffee shops, and even waste disposal! Now, with EasyBitcoin, our hero doth challenge the likes of Coinbase, Kraken, and those upstarts Robinhood, Revolut, and PayPal. A bold gambit, indeed! 🏰⚔️
By prattling on about affordability and accessibility, EasyBitcoin seeks to dazzle in a market already overrun with charlatans and dreamers.
“Forsooth, investing in Bitcoin hath been a secret cabal, locked away from the masses by exorbitant fees!” Sir Stelios proclaimed with a flourish, as if he were the first to notice the sun rising. 🌞🤦♂️
This app, they say, doth allow users to purchase Bitcoin while reaping rewards-a 1% welcome bonus and a 4.5% annual yield on US dollar balances. Uphold’s Chief Jester, Simon McLoughlin, doth declare it the perfect lure for those timid souls who yet tremble at the crypto threshold. 🎣😱
“A rewards system so enticing, it shall drag the hesitant into the fray!” quoth McLoughlin, with a wink and a nod. 😜💸
The Great Unlocking: Bitcoin for the Unwashed Masses
Sir Stelios, ever the champion of the commoner, doth rail against the high costs that have stifled Bitcoin’s ascent. With his “easy” model, he aims to make crypto trading as mundane as buying a loaf of bread-or perhaps a ticket on EasyJet. 🍞✈️
“This is not mere technology, but a crusade for financial liberation!” he declared, his voice echoing through the halls of commerce. 🗡️💪
JUST IN: BILLIONAIRE STELIOS HAJI-IOANNOU, EASYJET OWNER, SAYS TRUMP‘S SECOND ELECTION HAS MADE #BITCOIN “COMPLETELY MAINSTREAM”
HE JUST ANNOUNCED LAUNCHING HIS OWN BTC COMPANY. HUGE 🔥
– The Bitcoin Historian (@pete_rizzo_) September 8, 2025
And lo, he doth credit Trump’s second coronation for making Bitcoin “completely mainstream,” as if politics were the wind in crypto’s sails. 🌬️🎪
Yet, the launch of EasyBitcoin cometh amidst tempestuous times. Bitcoin, having soared to $124,128 in August, doth plummet by 10% as tariffs cast their shadow. A risky gambit, indeed! ⚡💔
Meanwhile, in the halls of Washington, lawmakers ponder a Strategic Bitcoin Reserve, while Eric Trump prophesies “explosive” growth in crypto. Verily, the stars seem aligned for EasyBitcoin-or perhaps they are but a mirage in the desert of speculation. 🌟🐪
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2025-09-09 18:35