You Won’t Believe Why Conor McGregor Wants to Hoard Bitcoin for Ireland!

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Somewhere in the mist-laden streets of Dublin, where every lamplighter secretly dreams of becoming a pugilist, Conor McGregor, erstwhile UFC titan and possible future occupant of the Big Presidential Chair, has had a revelation — the gold beneath Ireland isn’t potato or peat, but Bitcoin! Yes, dear reader, McGregor has bravely declared from on high (or perhaps just a pub on X) that it’s time for Ireland to stuff its coffers with these cryptic, digital coins and, get this, empower “the people.” The same people whose names he’s occasionally forgotten mid-fight. 😊

“Crypto in it’s origin was founded to give power back to the people. An Irish Bitcoin strategic reserve will give power to the people’s money,” scrawled McGregor upon the digital parchment of X, on the 9th of May — a day which shall surely live in meme-ory.

He even promised, in true strongman fashion, to elaborate further in a forthcoming X spaces gathering, no doubt attended by both Bitcoin magnates and the occasional sheep monger who wandered in seeking Guinness. Anticipation, and possibly confusion, mounted.

Wasting no time, McGregor challenged the intellectual titans of the internet: “We need the greatest minds for this BTC Reserve. Message me and lets chat on my space.” One suspects he sought sages, soothsayers, or at least someone who can explain two-factor authentication. His invitation to Anthony Pompliano, master of ceremonies at The Pomp Podcast, was as warm as an Irish drizzle. ☔

Enter David Bailey, crypto-whisperer to Donald Trump. “Message me, let’s discuss your ideas!” replied the bare-knuckle philosopher of Dublin, suggesting perhaps he, too, could become a minor footnote in the annals of Irish cryptocurrency misadventure.

McGregor’s campaign — a patchwork of crime-fighting, wall-building, and the occasional left hook — began in March of 2025. Soon, Ireland will vote, presumably with ballots and not welterweight judges, as Michael D. Higgins, current President (and probably the last to appear utterly calm in photos), prepares to shuffle off into a more peaceful retirement.

But gathering a Bitcoin reserve, like herding cats, or getting McGregor to wear a tie, will not be easy. The world’s most ambitious attempts — in the US, El Salvador, and Bhutan (yes, Bhutan, keep up!) — have produced more headlines than actual riches.

Of course, there are perks to being friends with Donald Trump: McGregor showed up at the White House, high-fived The Donald, and received, some say, his mysterious orange blessing. 🍊 But scandal dogs the champ, as recent legal tumbles — sexual assault convictions, appeals raised higher than a pint of stout — cling to him like gum to a boot.

But what happened to his last crypto caper?

Alas, even mighty warriors may stumble. McGregor’s REAL project — so real it dissolved into thin air — couldn’t summon the faithful, leaving bidders for his mystical tokens disappointed but fully refunded. The campaign fizzled, raising just $392,315 in a frantic 28 hours, less than half the target. Will his presidency fare better, or will Dublin’s pigeons be the next to receive an airdrop?

And so the tale spins on: Conor McGregor, striding across the digital bog, Bitcoin in one hand, ballot in the other. Will the people follow? Or will they, with a weary shrug, order another round?

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2025-05-11 03:37