You Won't Believe Who Let Bitcoin Into Their Velvet-Cushioned Index! 🚀

In the dusty corridors of digital finance, where coins jingle more in code than in pockets, Michael Saylor, a gentleman of no little consequence, lifted his glass—presumably half-empty—to the spectacle unfolding at Coinbase. “A major milestone for Coinbase and for Bitcoin,” declared Saylor, tapping out his thoughts into the infinite abyss of X (formerly known as a bird sanctuary).

News swept in like an unexpected snowstorm in May: Coinbase, that wily operator of digital exchanges, has wormed its way into the S&P 500 index. Yes, the one with numbers so big one wonders if accountants don’t occasionally faint from the effort—$50 trillion, give or take a decimal error.

Enter Katie Haun, CEO and founder of Haun Ventures, whose words carried the solemnity of a Russian aunt at a wedding. “The S&P 500,” she intoned, “is one of the most widely followed benchmarks in the world.” A bold move, indeed—inviting a crypto-native upstart to dine at the adults’ table. Somewhere, a banker clutches his pearls.

Matthew Sigel of VanEck fame—whose job seems to be peering into the financial abyss—remarked that the S&P 500 has the magnetic pull of a samovar at teatime. According to Sigel’s estimations, index funds may soon snaffle at least $10 billion of Bitcoin, perhaps hoping it’ll be worth more than a bag of potatoes by next winter.

And so, the crypto caravan moves on. Will tradition be scandalized? Will index funds break out in hives? Only tomorrow’s financial pages will know. Meanwhile, somewhere, Saylor is already composing his next post, and the coins still jingle on—digitally, of course. 🪙🍵

2025-05-13 11:25

You Won’t Believe Who Let Bitcoin Into Their Velvet-Cushioned Index! 🚀

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