Honestly, if you’re obsessed with crypto and haven’t completely combusted from anxiety yet, congrats. This week is basically a soap opera—only with fewer actors and more financial trauma. Here’s the dramageddon you’re being gently (or not-so-gently) herded into…
May 7 – Fed Interest Rate Decision & Ether’s Pectra Upgrade (AKA, Nail-Biting Tuesday 🤦♀️)
Apparently, the entire planet is clutching pearls over whether the Fed will keep rates between 4.25% and 4.5%. Will they stare meaningfully into the camera and do nothing? Or will President Trump’s signature jawline pressure them into a rate cut? He’s been bragging about jobs data, falling prices, and “billions” from tariffs. Honestly, someone keep a tally.
Why Yes, the Fed Chair Does Have a Fan Club 🎤
What’s even juicier than the decision? The post-match interview with Jerome Powell. He might say something deeply cryptic about tariffs, and then Twitter (sorry, “X”) will break up with itself again. Last time, everyone was super excited about growth and jobs, then remembered inflation, plummeted into existential dread, and BTC did that thing where it briefly forgets its legs—from $84,000 to $83,500. The emotional whiplash is impressive.
There are still FIVE Fed meetings left in 2025. If you’re into masochism, mark your calendars. Oh, and Ethereum’s Pectra upgrade is dropping too, with 11—count them—improvements. Wallets are getting a vibe check, and staking per node jumps from 32 ETH to 2048 ETH. If that means nothing to you, pretend it does at parties.
May 8 – US Initial Jobless Claims (So, Are You Fired Yet?)
Did you lose your job this week? The government will let us know, just to keep the mood light. Less claims? The market will do a victory lap. More claims? Panic bake banana bread again.
May 13, 15 – US CPI & PPI Data (Inflation, But Make It Sexy)
On May 13, the CPI appears—technically just a number, but it controls everything you love/hate. Two days later, it’s PPI: Producer Price Index—basically how expensive it is to make stuff while everyone’s still arguing about interest rates. Last round, CPI went down (mic drop), Bitcoin ate it up, and bounced above $82,000.
PPI, back in April, dropped 0.4%. Bitcoin leapt like a caffeinated goat—up 4% to $82,500. No one understood why, but it made great memes.
Meanwhile, Bitcoin’s been sliding from $96,926 to $94,162, with a pit stop below $94,000 because why not? Could hit $92k next! Place your bets, hold your breath, and remember—nothing makes sense but that’s the fun, isn’t it? 💅
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2025-05-05 17:56