You Won’t Believe This: Ethereum Rollup Launches, No Tokens, Only Platonic Ideals 👀

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In the tranquil haze before a spring dawn, some independent craftsmen (for what else can these weary developers rightfully be called?) unveiled their newest occupation: Ethereum R1. Imagine, if you will, a rollup—yes, another one—but this time, fueled not by the golden-sheened tokens we all secretly resent, nor by the whispers of men in darkened rooms passing private sales over bitter tea. No, this, gentle reader, is a “100% donation-funded” contraption, a kind of moneyless monument to the old spirit of decentralization, neutrality credible enough that your mother would approve, and resistance to censorship with a certain peasant’s stubbornness.

True to the best traditions of Russian reluctance to follow the crowd, Ethereum R1 casts aside the tiresome fads of tokens and monarchic governance. Picture it: a neutral rollup, emerging not for dominion but as a modest ode to Ethereum itself, a samovar boiling quietly in the corner.

“Here comes Ethereum R1, rolling in like a melancholic village fair.

No tokens to gamble away your conscience.
No private sales, not a whiff of oligarchic perfume.
No governance cult—only the sleepless ghosts of the blockchain.

There, my friends, lies the soul of Ethereum: public, underfunded, communal (and absolutely allergic to any sign of efficiency).

🧵 Why R1 matters & how you might accidentally join, should you be so unfortunate:”

— Ethereum R1 (@ethereumR1) May 1, 2025

In a thread (threads being the spiritual successor to Dostoevsky’s endless letters), the creators of Ethereum R1 have announced, with some fanfare and plenty of gravitas, that there is neither presale nor breath of venture capital. Instead, the Surge stack from NethermindEth and the ever-generous Taiko (whose code, like an old carriage, has been borrowed for the occasion) propel this mechanism. One percent of all fees must tip their hat to the Taiko DAO until 2030—nothing says freedom quite like a decade-long promise.

Donations, that most Russian form of love, have been solicited to sustain this fragile edifice until 2030. After that, like good vodka poured for ancestors, fees will simply burn away—leaving only a hint of public goodwill and the faintest memory of utility.

From birth, R1 leaps into Stage 2. Permissionless proving, delays that would make an old postmaster sigh, and a community multisig more complex than a Tolstoy family tree—all, it is said, for the cause of decentralization. As if to confirm this, they reveal such details shamelessly on the official website, for all to ponder in candle-lit solitude.

The launch answers the vexing disquiet that floats about existing L2s—these rollups that, for all their pleasantries, often masquerade as entirely new blockchains. There are private allocations, veiled governance, and centralized command bowls—that’s the tea.

“General-purpose L2s should be commodities,” the R1 team declares, “as interchangeable as melancholy itself, and as devoid of central dependencies as a Russian winter is of warmth.” Ethereum R1, they say, is a rejoinder to all this. A sigh in the night, if you will.

There’s an almost nihilistic replaceability baked into R1; should it fall to dust, another may rise without a single lament from the Ethereum fields. Community is to be the new tsar here—contributors may gather (as one does) on Telegram, the Magician Forum, GitHub, and at websites designed with existential ennui. There is talk of resources; there is always talk of resources.

Since its dramatic pronouncement, Ethereum R1 has enticed notable souls—Drake, Buterin, and a litany of brave contributors with names that would trip even an experienced census-taker: Jiajun, Ahmad, Kassandra, Jünger. It is, for now, their solitary witness.

As Ethereum stretches—some might say drifts—towards new heights, R1 offers a peculiar milestone, advocating a world where rollups serve the public, not the pocket. The promise of clarity and communal will glimmers faintly, like a candle on a cold steppe, perhaps ready to ignite a standard for those weary of chasing the next coin.

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2025-05-03 10:31