You Won’t Believe How Much Tether Made—Their Profits Have Gone Full Pasternak 🍸🤑

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On a gray digital morning, Tether, that grand puppeteer of stablecoins, declared itself flush—nearly $4.9 billion in Q2 net profit. The stately and perpetual river of USDT, fattened by new $13.4 billion tributaries, swelled onward. The age’s lust for stability, for certainty pressed into digital coin, has ballooned their supply to a feverish $157 billion. That’s twenty billion more tokens, just since the calendar’s last hangover faded.

The Money Piles Up, Like Autumn Snow on a Village Roof

At quarter’s end—midway through 2025, where time moves as slyly as rumors in the Moscow dusk—Tether’s reach into the gold-lit treasury halls of America spread to $127 billion. Of this, $105.5 billion lay in direct spoil, while an extra $21.3 billion tiptoed in through side doors. Shareholder capital, stoic and barely blinking, lingered at $5.47 billion. A monument to solvency, unshaken by the tempests swirling outside.

For H1, Tether’s total earnings soared to $5.7 billion, much of it in steady, recurrent profit. And if you had hoped gold and Bitcoin might have been left out of the revel, you’d be mistaken—they tossed in another $2.6 billion, because when one is rich, all the gold and luck in the world show up uninvited.

The CEO Sings Main Themes (and Subplots)

Having gathered its riches, Tether flung chunks of its fortune into the world’s future: XXI Capital, Rumble, the mysterious Rumble Wallet—a wallet so bold it may one day hold your existential dread and receipts from yesterday’s coffee. Over six months, more capital has been poured into these ventures than in all preceding epochs (or at least, since Twitter was called Twitter).

SDT, that unsung sibling, trundles quietly across more than 150 countries (give or take, since the UN can’t keep count). Think of the places where banks vanish like late trains—there, Tether shines, or at least flickers.

As June closed, Tether declared assets of $162.6 billion (or enough to make an oligarch blush) against liabilities of $157.1 billion—proving, in a world of debts, they remain on the sunny side. If you’re wondering whether they stashed some extra in AI, green power, and infrastructure—of course. Those are for growth, for rainy days, and for CEO Paolo Ardoino’s next vacation home.

Ardoino himself, gazing from atop his snowy digital dacha, mused: “Markets keep whispering what we already sense—a ballet of trust twirls around Tether. With treasuries as vast as Siberia and gold tucked under every mattress, we’re no longer following demand. We dazzle it, lead it by the hand.”
And with the zeal of a man pitching both a revolution and a mattress, he continued: “As rules for digital dollars dry in bureaucratic ink, observe Tether—the wild model, the live wire. USDT brings dollar dreams to billions. Urgent, vital, and slightly improbable—like every good Russian novel.”

Chart: Tether Profits—A Money Story Tolstoy Would Have Envied

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2025-08-01 08:12