Yelp’s Stock: Seriously?

Okay, so Yelp. YELP. Down almost 9% today. Nine percent! You know what that means? People are thinking. They’re actually considering what they’re putting their money into. It’s…refreshing, honestly. But also, infuriating. Because the numbers, on the surface, aren’t terrible. They beat expectations. Beat them! It’s like, what do they want from these companies? It’s a setup, I tell you. A complete setup.

They published their fourth-quarter results yesterday. Q4. The last quarter of the year. You’d think they’d try to make a good impression. Earnings per share? $0.61. Fine. Better than nothing. Sales at $359.99 million? Okay, whatever. They’re bragging about beating Wall Street’s targets by a measly $0.77 million? It’s insulting. It’s like saying, “We’re slightly less awful than you thought!” And then, the kicker. They had a year-over-year sales decline in Q4. A decline! And they’re acting like the record $1.46 billion in annual revenue somehow makes up for it? It’s like losing ten pounds but then eating an entire cheesecake. Doesn’t negate the loss, does it?

But here’s the real problem. The guidance. Oh, the guidance. They’re projecting sales between $1.455 billion and $1.475 billion for this year. Flat. Flat! After a mid-single-digit growth last year, they’re basically saying, “We’re going to…stay the same.” It’s the corporate equivalent of shrugging. And the EBITDA? Down from $369 million to…who knows? Somewhere between $310 and $330 million. It’s a slow, agonizing decline. A financial erosion. And they’re blaming it on…artificial intelligence? Seriously? They’re spending money on robots and algorithms, and that’s why the stock is down? It’s like investing in a self-folding laundry machine and then being surprised when your clothes are still wrinkled. The logic is just…absent.

They say it’s an investment for the future. That it’ll translate into growth next year. Next year! I’m supposed to just…wait? While my investment stagnates? While they tinker with their digital toys? It’s a gamble, plain and simple. And I don’t like gambles. I like predictability. I like consistent, upward trajectories. Is that too much to ask? Apparently, it is. It always is. And you know what’s really bothering me? The phrasing. “Meaningful sales growth.” What does that even mean? Meaningful to whom? It’s just vague corporate jargon designed to obscure the fact that they have no idea what they’re doing. And that, my friends, is a problem. A serious problem. It’s a wealth-eroding problem.

2026-02-13 23:53

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