Would Gogol Invest? MEXC Drops $300M on Crypto Startups and Memes (Probable Chaos Ahead)

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Oh, what glorious fortune has dawned upon the land of cryptographic dreams! Somewhere between a cloud of bureaucrats and the smell of a samovar overheating, the good folk at MEXC have conspired to toss $300 million like confetti over a banquet of starry-eyed blockchain upstarts, public chain ecosystems (whatever those are these days), decentralized wallets, and the mysterious “tools” that make the whole crypto bazaar wobble forward. 🥳

In a flash of inspiration sure to make even Dead Souls jealous, the fund is to be deployed over the next five years (because who can count higher than that, anyway?), soaking promising projects in $50 to $60 million a year—provided, of course, your pitch deck makes the COO, Tracy Jin, think, “Ah, surely, this must be the mythical triple-A project, like fine vodka or a tax inspector’s golden goose.” AAA status? Only if you bring your own Cossacks.

DeFi, Blockchain Protocols, and Stablecoins — or, How Many Buzzwords Can Dance on a Ledger?

The grand MEXC investment strategy (written somewhere between a Dostoevskian novel and the back of a grocery receipt) has its all-seeing eye fixed on decentralized finance, the shiniest of blockchain protocols, and the ever-steady stablecoins. Without these, global crypto adoption is apparently as unthinkable as tea without sugar. Do people even buy potatoes with boring old money anymore?

“We’re not just chasing trends,” declared our hero, Jin, during a fireside chat that was (allegedly) less about fire and more about incinerating budgets. “The technologies we seek will uproot everything—stability! cross-market trading! possibly the corruption of provincial officials!” Or maybe just a new way to send memes.

Selection Criteria: Coming Whenever We Finish the Samovar

Are you, o reader, desperate for the eligibility and selection criteria?! Calm your heart, for MEXC cryptically promises all will be revealed “soon.” Until then, the exchange will throw cash only at the choicest projects that align with their roadmap (carefully scrawled with a quill pen on an actual napkin). The rest of the projects may wait for another epoch—or perhaps until the next ICO bubble.

So there we have it: MEXC sails boldly into the tempest, joining a merry crew of exchanges and bankers hurling capital at Web3, convinced they’re building the sturdy stones of the next internet cathedral. Will history remember this fund like a Pushkin ballad, or just another peculiar entry in the ledger of financial absurdities? Only the ghosts of accountants know for sure. 👻💸

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2025-05-01 22:22