- Behold! Semler Scientific, that most curious merchant of the medical arts, has seized 111 Bitcoins, brandishing $10 million as their weapon of choice in this crypto joust.
- Pray, by the year 2025’s grand ball, Semler’s Bitcoin harvest swells to a luscious 23.5%—enriching their noble shareholders’ coffers with glimmering treasures.
Oh! What folly or audacity drives Semler Scientific, that purveyor of leeches and potions, to dive headfirst into the cryptic sea of Bitcoin? Between the Feast of Saint Valentine and the day we tip our hats to April 24, 2025, the venerable company pillaged 111 Bitcoins—nay, plucked them from the ether for a princely sum of ten million dollars. Each shiny Bitcoin, costing a humble $90,124 complete with all fees (no fowl play, I swear!), was procured from the mysterious coffers of ATM offerings and the hearty gallows of their cash reserves.
Semler Scientific’s Hoard: 3,303 Bitcoins, Worth a King’s Ransom of $309M
As the sun rose on April 24, 2025, behold! Semler held fast to a grand hoard of 3,303 Bitcoins, amassed at a cost of $290.4 million—an average price of $87,929 for each glittering digital doubloon. This chest now gleams with a market value soaring to $309.1 million. Take that, Scrooge McDuck!
Meanwhile, in the grand bazaar of public stocks, Semler Scientific doth parade a new treaty forged on April 15, 2025, a Controlled Equity Offering Sales Agreement. A pact crafted with mighty financial houses—Barclays Capital Inc., Cantor Fitzgerald & Co., among others—this accord grants Semler the audacity to peddle up to half a billion dollars in common stock. Bargain, anyone?
Previously, our protagonist worked similar enchantments before allying with Cantor Fitzgerald & Co., conjuring a spell that sold 2.4 million shares and pocketed a tidy $126 million gold coins. But lo! On April 22, the old charm was broken, replaced by the new ATM incantations.
In the brief nuptial between April 22 and 24, Semler sold a modest 57,100 shares via the new pact, netting a cool $2 million—funds destined to fuel their Bitcoin crusades.
Semler: A Noble Knight Among Bitcoin Conquerors
With the flourish of a master strategist, Semler Scientific’s Bitcoin yield dazzles at 23.5% from dawn January 1 to the twilight of April 24, 2025. This yield, a curious concoction signifying more Bitcoins per noble share, sings sweet songs to shareholders’ ears. It is the KPI—Key Performance Indicator, if you please—that guides their voyage through the stormy seas of cryptocurrency.
At the year’s first dawn, Semler declared a grand quest: to amass $75 million for yet more Bitcoin pillaging. This ambition was kindled by a $29 million paper gain—mere ink on parchment, yet sweet as ambrosia to their coffers. Thus, our hero marches on, ever devoted to growing their digital empire.
Semler proclaims that every Bitcoin seized adds weight and glory to their shareholders’ riches, each share transforming into a vessel brimming with Bitcoin bounty. As cryptocurrency exposure grows, so too does the allure of Semler’s stock—a siren’s call to investors far and wide!
In sum, as the digital waves swell, Semler Scientific stands tall among the titans with a robust hoard of 3,300 Bitcoins valued near $300 million. Armed with ATM funding as their trusty steed, they persist in this quest to turn stocks into treasure chests, much to the delight (and envy) of shareholders everywhere. 🎭💰🤡
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2025-04-26 23:13