Wall Street and the Crypto Cat: A Comedy of Surges and Bewilderment Awaits!

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In those sultry evenings when the smell of roasted seeds drifts along Wall Street, all manners of strange financial miracles occur. Last week, Bitcoin (BTC), that silver-tongued jester of currencies, continued its stately parade upwards, trailing behatted brokers in its wake. At the same time, the S&P 500, grand matriarch of American optimism, leapt like Professor Woland’s cat through a window, brushing the dust off her skirts as the US economy coughed nervously in the background. Shall this bacchanalia endure? One can only consult the tarot or, for the more jaded, the Twitter feed.

If You Listen Closely, You Can Hear the S&P Snoring

A most intriguing spectacle! The S&P 500, noble barometer of the American Dream (which, let’s face it, spends more time in the barber’s chair than on the trading floor), appears to be finishing its so-called ‘relief rally’. Some claim this was inevitable—after all, the last tumble saw it lose 1,300 points faster than a Muscovite can misplace a samovar.

Now, one might believe that Trump’s entreaties to Chairman Powell would move him to slash rates like a disgruntled barber, but alas, the Fed’s resistance stands firmer than Moscow’s redbrick walls. According to the CME Fedwatch Tool, a device more mysterious than Bulgakov’s own manuscripts, there is a 92.3% likelihood rates will remain frozen—much like the smiles of those hoping for rate cuts.

Rumors Say the S&P Could Leap Beyond 6,000, Despite the Weather Forecast 😂

Ah, the fabled W pattern! Economists cherish it as some treasure map, convinced it will propel the S&P 500 beyond 6,000 points. Today’s headlines don’t confirm this trajectory, but, as every true Muscovite knows, the market is always gazing into tomorrow’s tea leaves. Perhaps, after some bureaucratic dithering, some trade deals may emerge, and suddenly tomorrow’s bull market will be lauded as “inevitable.” Or not. The crystal ball is cloudy; someone evidently spilled vodka on it.

$BTC and Its Ascending Triangle: A Bullish Ballet on a Tightrope 🎪

Shift your gaze to $BTC in close-up, and the price action pirouettes into an ascending triangle. In polite company, this is called ‘bullish’. Most such patterns end with Bitcoin vaulting out of the triangle like a magician’s rabbit, aiming for the stratospheric target of $99,000. Who set this price? Whimsy? Fate? Or the same trickster who shuffled the currency rates in Soviet literary cafés?

From Wedges to Glory: The $99,000 Dream Sequence 😴💸

Zooming out, the daily chart presents a price breaking free from a descending wedge—a pattern with as much continuity as Berlioz’s tram ride. Such chart patterns supposedly herald explosive rallies. The current mission is to hover above that stubborn resistor at $94,300. Should this feat succeed, next stop: $99,000. And, as always with BTC, first class seats come with a complimentary sense of existential dread.

Resistance Worthy of the Devil Himself

Widen the lens to the weekly chart: Here stands the mighty wall, resistance of biblical proportions. If broken, perhaps bitcoin will ascend through the clouds… until it meets the next batch of resistance, which stretches to $99,000. But only true believers expect a celestial breakthrough before conquering the final boss at $104,000.

Look at the bottom of the chart, and the RSI has crossed upwards—a divine blessing, or merely the random dance of numbers? For now, the crowd waits, anxious, clutching their wallets and their horoscopes, wondering which will offer more comfort when the next market thunderstorm arrives.

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2025-04-30 13:10