Visa Rides Crypto Rollercoaster: London Startup, Big Promises, Bigger Investments!

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In the early spring of our solar calendar (or what duller souls call “May”), a curious event befell the vapid fogs of London’s financial district. The mighty Visa, that ageing aristocrat of payments—once merely a monolithic specter haunting transactions—has cast its weighty purse upon BVNK, a plucky startup peddling in stablecoin payment wonders. One could almost hear the coins clink and whimper in anticipation.

The news, gossiped from the parlors by BVNK on May 7, arrived with much fanfare: a “strategic investment from Visa through their vaunted Visa Ventures arm.” Details? Alas, as elusive as a Russian summer sun. They tantalized—“more than capital,” whispered the small print, “a partnership.” Not quite getting hitched, but certainly more than a waltz across the ballroom. Their chief, young Jesse Hemson-Struthers—possessed of great sobriety and possibly a monocle—penned, with all the excitement of a man discovering his first samovar:

“I’m particularly excited about what it means to partner with Visa—the original payments innovator. Their deep expertise in building global payment networks, combined with our stablecoin infrastructure, creates powerful possibilities for redefining how businesses operate in today’s digital economy.“

Rubail Birwadker, head of products and partnerships at Visa (a title perhaps longer than the number of rubles in his wallet), declared, “stablecoins are fast becoming a part of global payment flows.” Which, in the tongue of bureaucrats, means: “We are a bit late, but nonetheless arrived!” Visa, forever hungry for what’s next, feasts hungrily on BVNK’s promises—like an aunt at a wedding buffet. 🍰💸

BVNK is on a roll

Not content to sit idle, BVNK had already charmed a clutch of venture capitalists, gleaning $50 million in Series B riches via Haun Ventures. The ink still wet, this dashing company—estimated to be worth nearly $750 million (not that anyone’s been counting, except everyone)—dreams of American escapades. They talk of “local banking infrastructure” and “operational licenses,” which sounds rather more impressive than explaining stablecoins to disgruntled New Yorkers over bagels. 🥯💼

VISA banks on crypto

Visa, meanwhile, is no stranger to dabblings in crypto—why, just last October, it flung open the doors for Visa users with eligible debit cards to toss their money into the gaping maw of Coinbase, whence funds could be deposited or withdrawn instantly, like magic—if one’s definition of ‘magic’ is paperwork and compliance email chains. “Millions of users,” Visa claims—one wonders if even the czar could command such allegiance.

In that same golden autumn, Visa emerged with the “Visa Tokenized Asset Platform,” shrouded in mystery and managerial optimism. Promising to simplify what is already inscrutable—the issuance and management of tokenized assets: stablecoins, deposits, central bank currencies, and, presumably, promises to one’s mother to write home more often. If a tokenized asset falls in the forest and no one understands it, does it still count as innovation? 🤔

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2025-05-07 18:50