Two Stocks, a Penny, and a Prayer

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There’s something thrilling about a stock that costs less than a cup of overpriced coffee. Not because it’s a sure thing-oh no, it’s more like betting on a raccoon to win a marathon-but because it forces you to lean into the chaos. I’ve always had a soft spot for companies that look like they’ve been through a tornado, their share prices resembling a Jackson Pollock painting. AMC and Grab? Let’s call them my latest guilty pleasures.

AMC Entertainment (AMC) and Grab Holdings (GRAB) are the kind of stocks that make your financial advisor sigh and adjust their glasses like they’re about to explain why you shouldn’t eat cake for breakfast. But here we are. Let’s dissect these two with the precision of someone who once tried to balance a checkbook using a Ouija board.

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1. AMC Entertainment

AMC’s stock chart looks like a graph of my self-esteem after a family dinner. It’s been a decade of dilution, preferred equity conversions, and the kind of shareholder treatment that makes you question your life choices. Yet here I am, buying more. Why? Because I’ve always believed in redemption arcs-especially when they’re projected on a 40-foot screen with buttery popcorn involved.

Movie theaters are the financial equivalent of a vintage vinyl record: everyone says they’re dead, but someone’s always spinning them in a basement somewhere. AMC’s second-quarter results? They’re like that one relative who insists on giving a monologue at Thanksgiving. Nobody asked for it, but we’re all watching anyway. If Cinemark can double its profits while I sip overpriced coffee, why can’t AMC just… not crash?

Analysts expect AMC to post a loss, which is about as surprising as finding mold in a breadbox. But here’s the thing: people are paying 30% more for tickets than they did in 2019. They’re also shelling out for reserved seating, premium formats, and concessions that now include things like truffle-flavored nachos. It’s not just a movie-it’s a lifestyle. And if AMC can’t monetize my therapist’s salary, who can?

Let’s not pretend AMC is the next Warren Buffett. It’s more like the cousin who wears mismatched socks to a wedding but somehow steals the show. Its five-year chart is a disaster, but so is my ability to hold a grudge. If this is AMC’s comeback, I’ll be in the front row with a box of tissues and a secondhand ticket stub.

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2. Grab Holdings

I once tried to use a Southeast Asian super-app and ended up paying for a month’s supply of coconuts. Long story. But Grab? It’s the kind of company that makes you nostalgic for the days when “disruption” meant a VHS rental. Started by two Harvard MBAs in 2012, it expanded like a toddler with a balloon animal at a party. Today, it serves 46.2 million monthly users and makes me feel both out of touch and mildly inferior.

Grab’s revenue has quadrupled since its disastrous 2021 SPAC debut-initially valued at $40 billion, now trading like a clearance bin find. It’s the financial equivalent of a friend who buys a $200 ticket to a sold-out concert, only to realize they’re sitting in the parking lot. But here’s the kicker: it’s profitable now. The kind of profitable that makes you wonder why anyone ever thought it was a bad idea. Maybe I just need to take more risks… or at least read the fine print.

Global giants with “substantial stakes” in Grab? Sounds like the kind of corporate family reunion where everyone brings a side hustle. I’m not saying it’s a sure thing-I’m just saying that if you’d bought Grab at its SPAC peak and held it through the chaos, you’d now be funding your retirement with coconut water. Or, you know, something less exotic.

Buying these stocks is like adopting a rescue dog: you’re not sure why you did it, but you’re committed now. If AMC and Grab keep their noses above water, I’ll be the first to throw them a bone. If not? At least I’ll have the satisfaction of proving that no one truly understands the market-not even me, which is saying something. 😒

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2025-08-08 19:42