Tucker Carlson, the man who once made a career out of looking perpetually confused, has now turned his furrowed brow toward Bitcoin. On his aptly named “Tucker Carlson Network” (because nothing says “credible journalism” like naming your show after yourself), he floated the theory that Bitcoin was cooked up by the CIA-because if there’s one thing the government is known for, it’s efficiency and secrecy, not, say, accidentally leaving classified documents at Mar-a-Lago.
Carlson, who apparently thinks the Phoenicians were onto something with Gold-never mind that they also thought sacrificing goats was a solid economic policy-declared Bitcoin a potential scam. “It was good enough for the Phoenicians, it’s good enough for me,” he said, presumably while polishing a lump of Gold the size of his ego.
Tucker Carlson says he doesn’t invest in Bitcoin because the CIA created it 🤨
– Bitcoin Archive (@BTC_Archive) October 22, 2025
Carlson’s main beef with Bitcoin? He doesn’t know who Satoshi Nakamoto is. “Nobody can explain to me who Satoshi was,” he whined, as if the identity of the inventor of math has ever kept him up at night. Last year, he joked at Bitcoin 2024, “Obviously it was the CIA, we all know that. It’s like Signal, they got there first. It’s a honeytrap!”-because nothing says “credible analysis” like comparing cryptocurrency to a spy movie plot.
Crypto Leaders Respond (Because Someone Had To)
Jack Mallers, CEO of Strike and a man who actually understands Bitcoin, clapped back on X: “If you think knowing who created Bitcoin matters, you don’t understand it. Bitcoin is open source. Nobody has special rights, and everyone can verify that. It doesn’t matter who created Bitcoin. Bitcoin is neutral technology, like math.” He then added the mic drop: “Who invented math, @TuckerCarlson?”
If you think knowing who created Bitcoin matters, you don’t understand it.
Bitcoin is open source. Nobody has special rights, and everyone can verify that. It doesn’t matter who created Bitcoin. Bitcoin is neutral technology, like math.
Who invented math, @TuckerCarlson?
– Jack Mallers (@jackmallers) October 23, 2025
Meanwhile, the CIA-busy doing whatever it is they do between Langley coffee breaks-confirmed they’ve dabbled in blockchain, but only to fight ransomware. Former CIA Director Michael Morell even called Bitcoin “a boon for surveillance,” which, coming from a guy whose job was literally spying on people, is either a compliment or a threat. Jury’s still out.
Robert Kiyosaki, author of “Rich Dad Poor Dad” and professional financial advice-giver (despite his company’s bankruptcy), chimed in with his usual mix of wisdom and exasperation: “CLICK BAIT??? Don’t get sucked in to anyone who counts on ‘click bait.'” He then went on to endorse Gold, silver, Bitcoin, and Ethereum, because why pick one when you can hedge your bets like a man who’s seen too many market crashes?
CLICK BAIT??? Don’t get sucked in to anyone who counts on “click bait.”
FOR EXAMPLE: I now see “click bait” titles screaming “gold, silver, Bitcoin crashing” or Bitcoin to $2 million this month.
Then the podcaster then says “To support my channel ‘click and subscribe'”
Give…
– Robert Kiyosaki (@theRealKiyosaki) October 23, 2025
At the end of the day, Carlson’s theory is less “conspiracy” and more “desperate attempt to stay relevant.” But hey, at least he’s consistent-Gold, distrust of new things, and blaming the CIA. Some things never change. 🎭
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2025-10-23 10:24