Yesterday’s financial markets were a circus: bitcoin flirted with the $70,000 high, and then, with the seriousness of a sitcom punchline, Trump declared the war was “almost over.” The result? Bitcoin looked like it’d just found a new government, prancing around the $69,000‑$70,000 range while oil crashed like a herniated banana peel.
Trump’s voice‑over came with the subtlety of a brick wall. One moment, WTI crude was dancing happily at $120 a barrel, and the next, the CFD market smashed it to under $90. The shockwave was so strong the market tried to guillotine itself into negative territory-one of the strangest one‑day reversals ever seen.
BREAKING: President Trump says “I think the war is very complete, pretty much.”
Oil prices officially turned negative on the day, erasing a gain of +30%, in one of the largest daily reversals ever recorded.
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) March 9, 2026
Trump’s optimism was, at best, a paradox, coming on the same day that Iran installed a new Supreme Leader-Mojtaba Khamenei, the son of the previous one. The POTUS didn’t care to stand for it, calling the pick “a big mistake” as if selecting a new head of state was a small tabloid gaffe.
Meanwhile, the region cooks a hotspot: the UAE and Turkey are busy intercepting what look like a relentless fleet of drones and missiles, a drama that could outshine the latest reality‑TV finale.
While he was at it, Trump made a side note about the US possibly taking over the Strait of Hormuz-an artery that had been closed for a few days, cutting off the daily flow of oil like someone cut off their favourite cereal vein.
Following Trump’s latest line, oil prices dipped again after earlier hitting a multi‑year peak. Gold and the S&P 500 tried to salvage the day, with gold nudging past $5,140/oz and the index climbing beyond 6,800. Bitcoin hopped from $68,000 to $69,600 on Bitstamp only to stub a toe and settle near $69,000. Ethereum flexed past $2,000, and SOL chartered the $85 club.
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2026-03-09 23:16