Now listen closely, because this is a tale of pockets being picked, and not by nimble-fingered pickpockets, oh no. This is the work of tariffs – a rather dreadful sort of tax, dreamed up by a man who seems to believe money grows on particularly prickly bushes. The Tax Foundation, a group of perfectly sensible people who count things, have discovered that each of us, yes you, will be handing over around $1,300 this year, just to keep this tariff nonsense afloat. It’s enough to make a perfectly good biscuit crumble with indignation.
This isn’t just a few pennies, you understand. It’s the largest tax grab, as a percentage of the entire national pudding, since 1993. The fellow in charge seems to think that making everything a bit more expensive is a brilliant idea. A bit like thinking that adding slugs to your lemonade will make it more refreshing. It’s a most peculiar sort of logic.
Two Sides of a Rather Wobbly Coin
Some say, “Don’t fret!” They point to last year, when the market, that fickle beast, actually rose despite these very same tariffs. The S&P 500, a collection of companies that mostly seem to enjoy making things complicated, went up 16%. But that was then, and this is now. It’s a bit like saying, “I survived falling off a roof once, so I’m perfectly safe jumping off again.” A dreadful idea, naturally.
A White House spokesperson, a fellow named Kush Desaid (a name that sounds suspiciously like a sneeze), declared that everything is rosy. He claims tariffs have somehow made wages rise and investments pour in. It’s a bit like claiming that a swarm of wasps has improved your garden. One wonders if he’s been sampling the prickly bushes himself.
The Tax Foundation, however, is less optimistic. They reckon these tariffs will shrink the national cake by half a percent over the next ten years. They say tariffs are like greedy goblins, raising prices and shrinking the amount of lovely things we can all enjoy. Lower income, fewer jobs, a smaller cake…it’s a rather gloomy picture, isn’t it?
Last year, companies stuffed their warehouses full of goods, bracing for these tariffs. Now those warehouses are emptying, and they’re facing a rather nasty choice: raise prices and risk losing customers, or swallow the costs and watch their profits dwindle. Either way, something’s going to give, and it won’t be a pleasant sight.
The “TATA” Trade: A Game of Chicken
Last year, clever investors invented the “TACO” trade – “Trump Always Chickens Out.” The idea was that whenever the market wobbled, the fellow in charge would back down from his most aggressive tariff threats. It was a bit like training a particularly stubborn badger.
But this year, things might be different. We have the “TATA” trade – “Trump Always Tries Again.” Even if the Supreme Court, those rather important people in robes, were to strike down these tariffs, the fellow in charge insists he’ll find another way. A bit like a determined snail finding its way around a salt circle.
So, which companies are worth a look? Focus on those that can thrive, tariffs or no tariffs. Artificial intelligence (AI) is a good place to start. AI doesn’t need tariffs to function, unlike those pesky physical goods. Micron Technology (MU 2.89%) is a particularly interesting one. They make high-bandwidth memory, a crucial ingredient in AI chips. They’re the only major US supplier, and that’s a rather powerful position to be in. It’s a bit like owning the only sweet shop in town.
Regional bank stocks might also be worth a peek. They don’t rely much on international trade, and they could benefit from a big spending plan currently being debated. Regions Financial (RF +0.15%) looks promising. It’s reasonably priced and offers a decent dividend. It’s a bit like finding a hidden treasure chest.
Uncertain Times and Shrinking Pockets
The biggest problem with these tariffs is the uncertainty they create. Investors hate uncertainty. It’s like trying to build a house on quicksand. Does that mean the market is doomed? Not necessarily. Other things affect the economy too. But we might see a market where picking the right stocks is more important than ever.
If the Tax Foundation is right, we’ll all have roughly $1,300 less to invest. That’s enough to buy a rather splendid collection of biscuits, or, if you’re feeling extravagant, a small badger. But it’s also a reminder that these tariffs aren’t just numbers on a page. They’re real money, taken from our pockets, and used for a rather questionable purpose. A most peculiar state of affairs, wouldn’t you agree?
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2026-02-18 12:53