Trump’s Tariff Tantrums and Bitcoin’s Bizarre Ballet: A Comedy of Errors

In a world where the absurd reigns supreme, all attention turns to our illustrious President Trump, as he graces the stage in Detroit on this fine January 13th. With an eloquence that rivals the greatest orators of our time, he delves into a veritable cornucopia of controversies-Venezuela, Iran, tariffs, and his favorite punching bag, the ever-dutiful Jerome Powell. 🎤

Amidst this theatrical performance, behold! Bitcoin, the darling of the digital age, has decided to don its finest attire, ascending gracefully past $94,000-an impressive feat for a currency that often behaves like a capricious diva. 💃

Regarding Venezuela, Trump’s assessment of the military operation was nothing short of poetic: “as flawless an attack as ever.” One can only wonder if such grandiloquence is reserved for moments of geopolitical finesse or merely a fleeting whim.

And then, as if scripting a Shakespearean tragedy, he turned his ire upon Powell, chastising him for his role in dampening the spirits of market enthusiasts. “When the market goes up, the Fed should lower interest rates,” he proclaimed, igniting gasps of disbelief and perhaps a chuckle or two from the audience. After all, who wouldn’t want a fairy godmother to wave a wand and make financial woes disappear? 🪄

PRESIDENT TRUMP:

“The Fed kills every rally.” Ah, the drama! Will we ever find out if Powell is indeed a villain in this tale?

You do not own enough assets. A sentiment that surely warms the hearts of many!

– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) January 13, 2026

With a flourish, Trump declared those opposed to tariffs as “pro-Chinese,” a bold accusation that undoubtedly sent shockwaves through the room. Meanwhile, the Supreme Court, in its infinite wisdom, tantalizes us with the prospect of revealing the legitimacy of said tariffs, as if teasing a long-awaited sequel to a beloved saga.

As for Iran, our dear POTUS suggested that protesters should rise and seize their institutions, a call to action that echoes with the fervor of a revolutionary manifesto. One might ponder whether he has taken a page from history’s most audacious leaders or simply enjoys stirring the pot. 🍵

Yet, amidst these tumultuous waves of political theater, Bitcoin seems to thrive, basking in the glow of increased interest, buoyed by a 2% rise in the past 24 hours. It has danced its way up by $2,500 since the US CPI announcement, proving once again that in the world of finance, the only constant is change-and perhaps a dash of chaos. ✨

2026-01-14 00:02

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