In the suffocating embrace of a world gone mad, the wretched Bitcoin, that digital specter of greed and hope, hath once more risen from its slumber, piercing the heavens at $104,000. For the third time in as many breaths, it mocks the fools who dare to predict its demise. And what hath stirred this beast from its torpor? None other than the great buffoon, the orange-hued Caesar, Donald Trump, with his promises of manna from heaven-$2,000 to the masses, a pittance to the rich, a fortune to the desperate.
“Breaking: The Emperor Trump, in his infinite wisdom, decrees a ‘tariff dividend’ of $2,000 per soul. Behold, the stimulus checks return, like a bad penny or a venereal disease.”
– The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) November 9, 2025
Ah, Trump, that modern-day Caligula, defends his tariffs with the fervor of a madman, even as the Supreme Court ponders their legality. Experts, those dullards in their ivory towers, cry foul, but who listens to them? The people want their bread and circuses, and Trump, ever the showman, delivers. Two thousand dollars-a sum that recalls the dark days of the plague, when the government, in its panic, flung $1,200 at the unemployed like scraps to starving dogs.
And what of the crypto zealots, those wide-eyed fanatics who see in every dollar a potential Bitcoin? They whisper, they speculate, they dream. Did the stimulus checks of yore fuel the altcoin frenzy? Did the desperate, clutching their meager checks, turn to the digital underworld in search of salvation? The rumors swirl like the miasma of a plague-ridden city, and now, with Trump’s latest decree, the markets stir once more. Bitcoin leaps, Ethereum soars, ZEC and XMR dance like demons in a midnight orgy.
Behold, the price of Bitcoin, that fickle mistress, jumps from $102,000 to $104,000 in the blink of an eye. ETH, ever the loyal companion, rises by 4%, while ZEC and XMR, those shadowy figures of the crypto underworld, surge with unholy vigor. And the masses, ever gullible, ever hopeful, pour their newfound wealth into this digital abyss, chasing the dream of riches or perhaps, their own destruction.
Is this the hand of God, or the work of the Devil? Are we witnessing the triumph of human ingenuity, or the final act of a tragic farce? Only time will tell, but one thing is certain: in this mad, mad world, the only constant is chaos. 🌪️💰
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2025-11-09 18:50