Trump Throws Crypto Rager, Congress Freaks Out (And There’s a $1.5M Dinner?)

by
  • Donald Trump in crypto? Yeah, because what could possibly go wrong with that combo… 🤦‍♂️
  • Lawmakers sweating over foreign investors, and, oh yeah, a $1.5 million dinner where the menu is probably just political influence with a side of memecoin. 💸🍽️

So Trump wakes up one day and decides he’s Crypto King now. Not like the Biden crowd, who tiptoe around Bitcoin like it’s a wet floor, no—Trump’s all in. Suddenly the crypto people are doing cartwheels, politicians are hyperventilating, and everyone else is just confused.

You’d think that would be enough chaos, right? Nope! Roger Stone—yes, that guy—goes full Bond villain on X (Twitter, whatever we’re calling it today), throwing wild accusations at Senator Mark Kelly. Treason! Surveillance balloons! Executions! Am I the only one who misses the days when political scandals were just about taxes?

“Senator Mark Kelly is cashing in on his US Senate seat as a partner in a Chinese communist company that makes surveillance balloons. He should be charged with treason and if convicted executed, consistent with federal law.”

Senator Kelly: “I See Your Coin and Raise You an Indictment”

Kelly, of course, is not loving Trump’s new crypto hustle. He calls it “corruption in broad daylight.” (Cloudy days apparently don’t cut it for this level of drama.) Now he’s backing a bill that basically says “no coins for you!” to anyone in the White House or Congress. You want a side hustle? Hit up Etsy, not Ethereum.

“Trump is cashing in on his presidency and making millions from his own crypto coins. It’s corruption in broad daylight.”

“I’m co-sponsoring a bill to make it illegal for the President, the Vice President, administration officials, and members of Congress to issue, sponsor, or endorse crypto assets for profit. It’s time to put a stop to this.”

Meanwhile, Trump’s basically pitching his memecoin like it’s the next Cabbage Patch Doll, complete with a golf club dinner where the price tag is $1.5 million per plate. You thought NFT launches were exclusive? Try getting a seat at this table. Is the main course insider trading or just a really overpriced steak?

Naturally, lawmakers get suspicious about all these foreign faces at the dinner, and suddenly everyone’s hollering about influence peddling. And let’s be real: if your family starts launching coins named after themselves, maybe, just maybe, there’s an ulterior motive besides “supporting blockchain innovation.” Just saying.

Warren: Lower the Boom (and the Mood)

Elizabeth Warren jumps in too, swinging her “killjoy” hammer all over Trump’s crypto parade. She wants every little SEC move watched, re-watched, and then fact-checked by your mom. Because, surprise! Maybe mixing presidential influence with personal profit is not the recipe for a healthy democracy. 🍲

“All SEC decisions and actions involving (Trump Media & Technology Group) and President Trump’s financial interests should be carefully managed to ensure that they are free from undue political interference and influence from the President and his administration,”

Now, nobody even knows whether Trump’s heart really beats for blockchain, or if he’s just after a fat check (hint: history says, don’t bet the house on “altruism.”)

So what’s next? Senate cage match? Crypto bingo for democracy? Who knows! For now, the only thing clear is that American politics just found a way to get even weirder—who had “Presidential Memecoin” on their 2024 Bingo card?

Read More

2025-05-11 09:20