What ho, old sport! While the U.S. and Iran are at it like a pair of terriers in a sack, the crypto market has been as resilient as a well-bred English bulldog, thanks to a jolly good boost from institutional flows. Rather decent show, what?
On the regulatory front, our old chum Donald Trump has thrown his hat into the ring, siding with the crypto chaps and giving the banks what for. Apparently, they’ve been holding the CLARITY Act hostage, which is about as useful as a one-legged man at an Ascot steeplechase. Trump’s not having it, though-he’s told them to knock it off and make a “good deal” with the crypto crowd. Top hole!
Now, let’s crack on with the top headlines that have been shaking the crypto world like a martini at the Drones Club.
Bitcoin Gives Iran Escalations the Cold Shoulder
Old Bitcoin, the stalwart chap, has been holding steady between $65K and $70K, shrugging off the Iran business like it’s a minor hiccup at a garden party. According to Bloomberg’s Eric Balchunas, the U.S. spot BTC ETFs have been the saving grace, with $1.5 billion in inflows over the past five days. Balchunas called it the ‘biggest haul,’ which is high praise indeed from a fellow who knows his onions.
“Biggest haul in a while, what? Just about all of the original ten spot ETFs seeing action too-breadth and depth, old bean. This is after a 50% drawdown and most underwater. Even I’m impressed, and I’m not easily impressed, you know.”

On Tuesday, the ETFs saw $225.15 million in net daily inflows, following a jolly $458 million on Monday. BTC’s strength has kept the broader market chipper, with Ethereum hovering near $2K and SOL at $87. Still, one wonders how the Iran kerfuffle will affect oil, inflation, and global risk sentiment. Rather a sticky wicket, that.
CFTC to Give Crypto Perps the Green Light Next Month
The Yanks are at it again, gearing up for another crypto win. CFTC chair Mike Selig, at the Milken Institute, let slip that the regulator will approve perpetual derivatives (perps) as part of Project Crypto. Rather spiffing news, what?
“We’re working towards getting perpetual futures, true perpetual futures, not long-dated contracts, here in the U.S. within the next month or so… Rather a dash, don’t you think?”
He added,
“We’re also working towards onchain markets, so we’re looking to have clear guidance as to what sort of digital wallets would implicate our regulations. Can’t have things getting too muddy, can we?”
Crypto perps have been all the rage lately, propelling Hyperliquid to its current perch. But they’re a bit of a grey area, especially on DEX platforms. Hyperliquid Policy Center CEO Jake Chervinsky hailed the move as a step forward for regulated DeFi perps, though he suspects it’s only for centralized exchanges. A Messari analyst, however, reckons it could be net bearish for Hyperliquid in the long run. Rather a mixed bag, eh?
Trump Gives Banks a Dressing-Down Over the CLARITY Act
Back to Trump, who’s been giving the banks a proper telling-off for ‘undermining his crypto agenda.’ He’s warned them not to hold the CLARITY Act hostage or mess with the GENIUS Act, which is all about stablecoins. The stablecoin yield issue has been a bit of a stumbling block, but Trump’s urged the banking chaps to play nice with the crypto crowd-it’s what’s best for the American people, he says.
Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse chimed in, backing Trump’s stance. Meanwhile, JPMorgan’s Jamie Dimon has been insisting that stablecoins paying yield should be regulated like banks. Trump’s crypto advisor, Patrick Witt, called Dimon’s argument ‘deceit,’ saying stablecoin issuers don’t lend out balances like banks do. Rather a to-do, what?

Despite all the back-and-forth, the CLARITY Act still has a decent 74% chance of passing this year. Fingers crossed, old sport!
Final Summary
- Institutional flows have kept Bitcoin and the crypto market steady, despite the Iran business dragging on. Rather a relief, that.
- Trump’s told the banks to stop holding the CLARITY Act hostage and to play ball with the crypto crowd. Top marks for effort, what?
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2026-03-04 12:39