Trump Bets Pay Off? You Won’t BELIEVE How Rich This Guy Got! 🤑

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Right, so apparently BlueCrest Capital, which sounds terribly important and sophisticated, is rolling in it.
Why? Because the oh-so-clever billionaire Michael Platt made a bet on the new White House administration.
Honestly, it’s all so grown-up and complicated. I need a prosecco. 🥂

Bloomberg, those terribly discreet people with “knowledge on the matter” (who, naturally, can’t be named,
because *drama*), are whispering that BlueCrest is up 20% this year. After fees and expenses, mind you.
Imagine! I struggle to get 20% off a pair of shoes in the sales. 🙄

Apparently, Platt used “aggressive amounts of leverage” to exploit the volatility caused by President Trump’s
trade war. Leverage! Sounds like something you’d use to open a particularly stubborn jar of pickles.
And now they’re on track for a decade of consecutive returns. A decade! I can barely commit to a gym membership
for a month. 🏋️‍♀️

BlueCrest returned capital to outside investors, which basically means they decided to keep all the money for
themselves. Smart move, really. Now it’s a “privately owned and managed family office.” So, basically, a very
expensive piggy bank. 🏦

Forbes says Michael Platt is Britain’s richest hedge fund manager, worth a casual $18.8 billion. And he’s one
of the few who’s actually *profited* in 2025, despite the global market sell-off induced by President Trump.
Good for him, I suppose. I’m off to check my bank balance. Spoiler alert: it’s not $18.8 billion. 💸

Even Warren Buffett, that wise old owl, has made billions this year. His net worth is up over $11.5 billion.
And this is *despite* this month’s sell-off, which reduced his winnings by a mere $14.5 billion.
Oh, the hardship! 😢

Buffett, who’s now ranked fourth among global billionaires, is one of only two in the top 20 who actually got
richer this year. The other one?

L’Oreal heiress Francoise Bettencourt Meyers, who’s added a measly $1.8 billion. Well, someone’s got to buy
all that hairspray, I suppose. 💁‍♀️

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2025-04-13 01:41