Comrades, gather round the samovars and light your pipes-because we have witnessed a financial miracle that smells faintly of hot silicon and cold hard cynicism.
Like Woland swooping onto the stage, former JPMorgan strategist-turned-crypto-shaman Tom Lee has conjured up BitMine Immersion Technology (BMNR), which now lounges smugly in second place on the league table of megahoarders. Its trophy case currently flaunts $6.6 billion worth of Ethereum-a stash so massive it could buy every babushka in Moscow a lifetime supply of lard and still have change for a Black Mass in the basement of the Bolshoi.
Ethereum’s own Saylor-only shinier? ✨
Back in the glory days of 2017, when every Bitcoin influencer promised the moon (while quietly hedging with Tether), Tom Lee proclaimed “250 k by ’25!”
Reality, ever the spoilsport, dumped a bucket of ice water on the parade and the poor man had to eat humble pie on live television-with anchovies.
But despair is for the weak. Our intrepid bull simply rebranded, stepped into the chairman’s chair at Bitmine (once just a humble purveyor of immersion-cooling doodads), and started vacuuming ETH like Professor Kovalev snatched noses.
Heavyweight investors-Peter Thiel, Bill Miller, the indomitable Cathie Wood-flock to this new pièce de résistance as if it were free hors d’oeuvres at Satan’s ball. 🍸👹
And because mere mortals can never hoard enough, Bitmine has declared plans to secure another $20 billion for future ETH shopping sprees. The company’s CFO allegedly muttered, “Why stop at 1.3 % of supply? Let’s buy the whole chain and rename it TomChain.”
Meanwhile, atop Olympus… 🏛️
Michael Saylor, reclining on a throne of 629,376 Bitcoins worth ~$73.24 billion, casts a languid glance at the challenger below and yawns.
With the serenity of Pontius Pilate washing his hands in Evian, he whispers, “You can stack all the shiny smart-contract rocks you like, friend. I still own one percent of planet Earth’s digital gold supply. Enjoy the climb, Tom… I’ll keep the espresso warm.” ☕
So let the spectators clap, let the graphs flash green, and let the YouTube thumbnails shriek.
The race is on, dear readers, but in true Bulgakov fashion:
“The devil is not so black as he is painted… except when he’s long $6.6 billion in ETH.”
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2025-08-18 23:37