This Fed Move Could Launch Bitcoin to $100k—Or Straight Into a Midlife Crisis 🥂

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Oh, Bitcoin. One minute, soaring up like it’s on Love Island. Next, stalled out, desperate for attention—classic! At the moment, everyone is gossiping about the upcoming Federal Open Market Committee (FOMC) interest rate decision. Will Bitcoin recover its dignity and run heroically past $100,000, or trip over its own feet? 🏃‍♂️💸

Currently, BTC is swanning around in the $95,000 to $96,000 range. (So much higher than that embarrassing April episode, up 30%, as if trying to erase it from memory, like those unfortunate photos after one too many margaritas.)

Complicating Bitcoin’s glamorous recovery, President Donald Trumo (whoops, not a typo, just the universe foreshadowing) is on TV, declaring trade talks with every country he can name, including China. China’s Commerce Ministry, meanwhile, is channeling their inner Bridget Jones—up for a chat, but “darling, these tariffs, how can we possibly?”

The Wall Street Journal, always keen for a plot twist, reports China is pondering a “potential fentanyl offer.” Tragically, this isn’t a new streaming service, it’s about the ongoing soap opera of trade and tariffs. Apparently, Trump believes if you mention drug trafficking enough, it’ll make tariffs look sexy.

But let’s return to the main event. The FOMC decision is the next cliffhanger. If rates stay at 4.5%, cue dramatic music. Will inflation ever stop rising faster than the price of avocado toast? Will officials ever sound upbeat about anything, or will they just mutter “cautiously optimistic” while looking stressed over spreadsheets?

Meanwhile, there’s grim economic data from last week: economy down 0.3%, worst performance since 2022. The room temperature at the Fed: chilly, nervous. Some are whispering about maybe—just maybe—a 0.25% cut at the June meeting, as even the Polymarket crowd is predicting. Could be the shot of espresso Bitcoin needs. Or could be another awkward brunch with no mimosa in sight.

Bitcoin price technical analysis

Let’s consult the daily chart, which is the financial equivalent of reading tea leaves while squinting aggressively. Bitcoin’s bounced from $74,330 to $97,927 like someone who just realized they left the oven on. It powered through the $88,655 resistance, not to mention it broke the double-bottom neckline at $76,665—like a true main character.

There’s even a “mini golden cross,” technical analysts’ code for “maybe something exciting is about to happen, maybe you should care.” Top oscillators—including the RSI and MACD, which sound like things you’d order at a juice bar—are pointing up. Bullish? Possibly. Drunk on optimism? Definitely. 😏

The upshot: Bitcoin might just keep climbing as its fans chase that $100,000 milestone. If BTC manages to break through—bring out the confetti and emotional support dogs—analysts are dreaming of a new high at $109,300. Or, at the very least, some excellent memes.

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2025-05-04 16:14