This Crypto Rollercoaster Will Flip Your Risk Switch (and Your Stomach!)

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If ever there was a perfect storm of hope, greed, and the whimsical certainty that Lady Luck is more likely to kiss you than throw you down a well, it’s now. What better time for the fine citizens of the internet to discuss memecoins in great earnest, particularly after a period where their enthusiasm cooled faster than a wizard’s bathwater? All this according to the well-dressed augurs over at onchain analytics outfit Santiment—who, by the way, track your feelings for a living.

A mere fortnight ago, while everyone was still waving their pitchforks about Bitcoin (BTC) and layer-1 whosits (yes, those are a real thing—don’t look it up), the crypto market whirled thanks to tariffs so large, even the Trump administration couldn’t fit them in a tweet. Now, much like moths to a flame or economics professors to a free buffet, the masses have abandoned the “flagship” assets and gone sniffing around high market cap memecoins. It’s investment, but with the tactical planning and restraint of a toddler in a sweet shop.

Santiment’s Brian Quinlivan put it this way, and I am paraphrasing here: “The internet has gone mental for these risky tokens, and everyone’s now in full-on Las Vegas mode.” Invest responsibly? Heaven forbid. The vibes are rampant. If you were hoping for a prudent, calculated approach, you may wish to sit this one out and try stamp-collecting instead.

“As you can see from any direction where common sense used to live, speculation has become the map and the compass, and people are sprinting after quick wins like ducks after stale bread,” Quinlivan more or less confirmed.

According to Quinlivan, the entire crypto bazaar has leapt up a jaunty 10% in just over a week. Bitcoin, slower probably because it’s weighed down by all that gravitas, only managed 7%. This, naturally, signals the masses flocking to coins that are about as stable as a one-legged chair on a windy night.

The cycle, he claims, goes something like this: Bitcoin rallies, then gets bored and goes for a nap, and while it’s dozing, everyone else turns up the risk dial to eleven and buys things with names that sound like a sneeze.

Dogecoin: Now With Added Nervous Energy

Enter Dogecoin (DOGE). Much like a soap opera character who was assumed dead but turns up at the wedding, this perennial crowdpleaser has enjoyed a meteoric rise in public conversation after a soporific April. Why? Because of ETF applications in the United States, which are basically the financial equivalent of saying “hold my beer while I call the regulator.”

The Securities and Exchange Commission (which never met a memecoin it didn’t want to postpone) is dithering until mid-June. Still, says Quinlivan, everyone is tiptoeing on a knife’s edge, waiting for the inevitable, whatever that is.

He continued: “Late April, no one could be bothered with DOGE. Now—thanks to Nasdaq listing rumors and the word ‘ETF’ being said loudly in crowded rooms—Dogecoin’s social dominance is through the roof. It’s like people have only just discovered dogs have faces.”

Meanwhile, if your hobby is watching enormous numbers go up and then wondering how many zeros that really is, DefiLlama assures us that PumpSwap, the crypto casino also known as the decentralized exchange of Pump.Fun, leapt to $11 billion in April trades. That’s up from $1.7 billion the month before—or, as mathematicians put it, ‘a lot more.’

Pump.Fun, the platform with a name that suggests either huge winnings or a 90s aerobics class, jetted to $3.3 billion in trading volume in April, up from $2.5 billion in March. That’s a ton of coins and probably enough virtual dog food to keep the blockchain well-fed for months.

The memecoin hullabaloo began in earnest after President Donald Trump—a man never afraid of selling anything, including himself—launched his very own memecoin back in January. Pump.Fun briefly processed so many trades you could hear the servers whimpering.

But, as with all good parties, the hangover came. Apparent memecoin expert and CoinGecko boss Bobby Ong noted that interest promptly dropped off a cliff after a series of spectacular flops, especially the tragicomic debut of the Libra (LIBRA) token in February. Bad launches, sad investors, confused regulators. It almost gives you faith in the cycle of life. Or at least, schadenfreude. 🤷‍♂️💸🐕

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2025-05-02 09:04