This Bitcoin Boom Will Make You Laugh, Cry, and Maybe Sell Grandma’s China

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Some claim that in the world of Bitcoin, there comes a time when all reason collapses, and grown men stare at charts as if scrutinizing the entrails of a sacrificial pig. According to a certain sage, known to the Twitter masses as Checkmate (possibly not his Christian name), the market now stands on the trembling cusp of “the euphoria phase.” Ah, euphoria – that grand Russian word for “everyone’s about to lose their minds and probably their shirts.” 🤡

In a recent parlor conversation prerecorded for something called a “podcast,” Checkmate shared nostalgic tales of the not-so-distant bear market recovery. Picture, if you will, the year 2023: traders hiding under desks, haunted by the lingering apparition of Sam Bankman-Fried, expecting the value of Bitcoin to drift to zero faster than Uncle Vanya’s hopes for happiness.


“We endured the shadowy bear market, one eye always on the door in case Sam returned for our crypto wallets. Yet, instead of plummeting, prices tiptoed upward-as if afraid to wake the sleeping pessimists. Excitement swelled as we neared the charts’ all-time peaks. I half-expected mass hysteria-the ‘euphoria phase!’-but no, not quite yet. Still, look at these treasury companies and the mountain of derivatives! We’re near an all-time high in leverage, flirting with financial disaster at 5.8% of Bitcoin’s market cap tied up in risky bets. People-friends even!-call and demand instructions on turning one Bitcoin into five, and who am I to argue with ambition, or madness?”
 🥂

Such is the music of the crypto market: a gentle, ominous stair-step upward-each footfall heavier than the last until, Checkmate says, momentum surges and the charts turn vertical. At that point, feel free to jump out of a window or, more prudently, out of the trade.

As of today, weary reader, Bitcoin sits at $114,833. If your heart skipped a beat, check your pulse: you may have entered euphoria and not even noticed. Or perhaps it’s just heartburn. Either way, pass the vodka.

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2025-08-05 15:05