The Onion Buys Bankrupt Info Wars, Alex Jones Seethes

As a seasoned analyst with over two decades of experience observing the intricacies of media and politics, I find this acquisition to be a remarkable event that resonates deeply with my understanding of market dynamics and societal trends.

This acquisition, which was announced on November 14, 2024, took place following a bankruptcy auction. The purpose of this auction was to repay over $1 billion to the families of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting victims, who are owed this amount due to defamation judgments against Jones for his false claims regarding the 2012 tragedy.

Ben Collins, CEO of The Onion, announced their plans to change Infowars from a source of misleading information into a venue for comedy and satire. In a press statement, Collins said, “We aim to stop Infowars’ constant stream of falsehoods for the sake of selling supplements and instead flood it with The Onion’s endless flow of humor for the greater good.

Collins stated that, in total, the choice to purchase InfoWars was a straightforward decision for the Global Tetrahedron’s management team.

Established in 1999 following the “Satanic panic,” InfoWars has carved out a unique niche as a resource for shaping public opinion and influencing masses. By skillfully blending fear-mongering paranoia with questionable health and wellness advice, they aim to create a world that is both more terrifying and longer-lasting for all. Indeed, they are a remarkable entity, managing to garner public backing for the wealthy while fueling anger towards an inefficient federal government capable of assassinating JFK yet failing to land a man on the moon.

Despite every challenge, InfoWars consistently demonstrates a steadfast dedication towards stirring up emotions and pushing extremist views among the most susceptible individuals in our society – values that align strongly with our beliefs here at Global Tetrahedron.

Such a wealth of flexible resources and intellects is priceless, yet astonishingly, a powerful interest group has cleverly outmaneuvered the owner of InfoWars (a man whose name is now insignificant), leaving him with no choice but to sell it at a significant discount: less than one trillion dollars.

Make no mistake: This is a coup for our company and a well-deserved victory for multinational elites the world over.”

The acquisition includes Infowars’ website, social media accounts, studio in Austin, Texas, trademarks, and video archive. While the financial details of the purchase have not been disclosed, The Onion has secured a multi-year advertising deal with Everytown for Gun Safety, a gun violence prevention organization. Everytown plans to use the rebranded platform to raise awareness about gun violence, aligning with The Onion’s satirical approach to serious issues.

In response to the announcement of the sale, Alex Jones – famous for his fiery speech and conspiracy theories – showed defiance during a live show. He declared that the show was being closed down and promised to contest the sale and auction procedure in court. Additionally, he hinted at resuming broadcasts from a fresh studio using alternative media outlets.

The families of those tragically affected by the Sandy Hook school shooting, who have persistently sought accountability regarding Jones’ damaging conspiracy theories, consider the disbandment of Infowars as a step towards justice. Robbie Parker, whose daughter Emilie was among the victims in 2012, expressed, “The liquidation of Alex Jones’ possessions and the end of Infowars is the justice we have long been waiting for and have tirelessly fought to attain.

In January 2025, The Onion intends to reboot Infowars as a comedy-focused platform. According to Collins, they aim to team up with prominent figures from The Onion and Clickhole to create Infowars as a “hilarious yet incredibly dumb website.”

Jones Will Rise Again, We’re Sure

Could it be that Alex Jones was correct all along? Check out these five instances where Alex Jones’ controversial claims, initially dismissed as conspiracy theories, have since been validated.

1. Epstein and Elite Networks

Frequently, Jones discussed the notion that influential figures were involved in underhanded activities, such as Jeffrey Epstein’s purported ties to notable personalities and his island serving as a center for suspicious transactions. When Epstein’s criminal actions eventually came to light, along with his associations with prominent people, this lent some credence to Jones’ earlier accusations of wrongdoing among the elite.

2. Government Surveillance

Before Edward Snowden’s disclosures in 2013, I had often voiced my belief that the U.S. government was conducting extensive surveillance on its own citizens. Snowden’s leaks indeed exposed the reality of programs like PRISM, lending credence to fears about widespread data collection.

3. Operation Northwoods

Jones used historical government plans, such as Operation Northwoods from the 1960s, as proof that false flag operations could potentially occur. This declassified U.S. military proposal outlined plans to stage attacks and blame another country, in this case Cuba, for a war. While Jones went on to make additional claims, the existence of such documents supports his broader argument about the use of such strategies by governments.

4. The Great Reset and Global Governance

Jones has long discussed efforts by global organizations to reshape economies and centralize power. The World Economic Forum’s “Great Reset” initiative, while focused on sustainability and equity, sparked discussions about potential overreach and global governance, aligning with some of Jones’ themes.

5. Water Contamination and Public Health

As a researcher delving into water supply issues, I’ve often found myself echoing Jones’ concerns about chemicals such as fluoride. Although his assertion about altering frogs’ sexual orientation was an exaggeration met with laughter, it’s worth noting that scientific investigations have indeed examined the impact of certain pollutants, like atrazine, on wildlife endocrine systems. These substances can potentially disrupt their hormonal balance, raising health concerns.

2024-11-15 15:54