The Great Bitcoin Gambit: A Tale of Greed, Gold, and Digital Fortunes 😏💸

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At the grand conclave of Bitcoin MENA 2025, beneath the gilded domes of Abu Dhabi, Michael Saylor ascended the dais like a prophet of the new age, his words a sly dagger to the ribs of tradition. “Behold!” he proclaimed, “The titans of Wall Street-BNY Mellon, Wells Fargo, Bank of America-once Bitcoin’s sworn enemies, now kneel before its altar, whispering sweet nothings of credit and derivatives. Even the venerable IBIT is not spared their greed.”

“In six short months,” he mused, “these gilded ghouls have slithered into my parlor, seeking to mint their own Bitcoin alchemy. What folly! What hubris!”

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Banks are here

– Bitcoin Magazine (@BitcoinMagazine) December 9, 2025

Saylor, ever the dramatist, contrasted this with the bygone era when banks “spat on Bitcoin like it was a peasant’s coin.” Now, he declared, they “solicit custody, offer credit-like merchants at a digital bazaar. By 2026, they’ll peddle Bitcoin like loaves of bread.”

He framed this as a divine shift in Washington’s policy, wherein Bitcoin is enshrined as “digital gold”-a phrase that made one wonder if Congress had been visited by a particularly verbose alchemist. “The President, the Treasury, the SEC-they all nod in unison, as if conducting a symphony of capital. The world, they say, must bow to this ‘strategic digital asset.’”

“The United States,” Saylor intoned, “is the world’s financial puppeteer. When it twitches, South America pirouettes, Europe yawns, Hong Kong blinks. Even China, that dragon of shadows, may yet mimic its master’s dance.”

Here, Saylor unveiled Strategy (MSTR) as “the world’s first digital treasury company”-a title so grand it could only be penned by a man with delusions of empire. With 660,624 BTC hoarded in its vaults (10,600 freshly acquired “yesterday”), the company’s appetite for Bitcoin is “voracious, insatiable. We consume $500M to $1B weekly, like a dragon devouring a gold mine. We shall render Bitcoin extinct… in circulation.”

His vision? To transmute volatile “digital capital” into “digital credit,” over-collateralized five-to-one, as if hedging against the apocalypse. “Even if Bitcoin collapses 90%, we shall emerge unscathed, yielding 8-12.5% like a miser’s dream.”

For the skeptical investor, he offered BTC as “unalloyed truth.” For the faint-hearted, BTC-backed credit as “a lesser sin.” And for the ambitious? A “digital money” fund, a stablecoin that “pays 8% tax-deferred, yet trembles like a saint’s heart.” One imagines the SEC’s lawyers weeping into their coffee.

He concluded with a plea to sovereign wealth funds: “Become the Switzerland of the 21st century! Custody Bitcoin, offer digital accounts yielding 8%, and nations shall flock to you like moths to a flame. Capital will flow to you, dear rulers, like wine to a glutton.”

As the sun dipped, BTC traded at $92,700-a price that made one long for the days when a loaf of bread cost less than a Bitcoin fraction.

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2025-12-10 17:45