The Great Bitcoin Feast: Japanese Hoarder Swallows $115M More! 🚀

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Once upon a time in a galaxy not so far away, a Japanese hotel and investment firm called Metaplanet decided to play a delightful game of “How Much Bitcoin Can We Stuff Into Our Mattress?” 🛏️💰.

Over the weekend, they announced that they had managed to acquire another 1,088 Bitcoin—because apparently, the best way to impress your friends is by hoarding enough digital gold to make Smaug look like a squirrel. This brings their grand total to an astonishing 8,888 BTC, a number that sounds like the password to a secret society or a supervillain’s plot.

At the time of writing, Bitcoin was trading at a modest $106,309, which means Metaplanet’s stash is worth nearly $945 million. Just enough to make you wonder if they’re secretly planning to buy an island or, more likely, just the entire planet. The company’s stock has soared by an eye-watering 263.48% year-to-date, proving that in the world of crypto, karma is just another word for “I told you so.”

Simon Gerovich, the CEO, claims their 8,888 BTC are a “symbol of abundance” and a “number of fortune,” which sounds just about right unless you’re lost in a cave of self-doubt. He’s worried each day that they don’t own enough Bitcoin, which is commendably ambitious for someone whose idea of a balanced diet might just be Bitcoin and more Bitcoin.

“The window to buy won’t stay open forever. Soon, there will be two kinds of people: those who own Bitcoin and those who wish they had. At Metaplanet, we’re stocking up so our shareholders can kick back and enjoy the show,” he said, probably while vigorously calculating how to acquire 1,112 more BTC before the sun sets on 2025.

Gerovich also envisions a future where more financial institutions will jump on the Bitcoin bandwagon—probably while waving a flag in the shape of a digital coin. The firm aims to reach 10,000 BTC by 2025 and a jaw-dropping 21,000 by 2026, which would probably make them the galaxy’s biggest Bitcoin hoarders—possibly even more powerful than the moon (which is, of course, just a giant cheese ball with a scary face).

Meanwhile, amid its crypto conquest, Metaplanet continues to operate a Tokyo hotel, perhaps to prepare for the day they convert it into a “Bitcoin Hotel” where the only currency accepted is memes and laughter. Because what’s more relaxing than a hotel run by a crypto-cult?

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2025-06-03 12:22