The Cloud Alchemist’s Gambit: 2026

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The currents of the Aetherium – what you might call ‘the market’ – are fickle things. Especially in the year of Our Lady of Lag, 2026. Enterprise software, once considered solid as dwarven steel, has been exhibiting the tensile strength of spun sugar. Investors, you see, are suffering a collective bout of what the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists politely calls ‘re-evaluation’. They’re starting to suspect that these ‘Artificial Intelligences’ – essentially very clever automatons – might, just might, render entire departments redundant. The horror. This, naturally, has led to a bit of a wobble in valuations. A wobble that, frankly, has been entertaining to watch from a distance, like observing a particularly clumsy griffin attempting to land.

However, amidst this general air of technological unease, there’s a certain company – a purveyor of cloud-based enchantments known as Salesforce (CRM 0.43%) – that appears to be navigating the storm with a suspiciously calm demeanor. Not that they’re immune to the prevailing winds, mind you. But they’re less likely to be blown clean off the cliff face. And that, my friends, is a situation worth investigating. Especially when one considers the sheer number of quills and parchment – or, in this case, lines of code – that are invested in their continued success.

The Acceleration of Artifice

Salesforce recently reported earnings that, while not exactly causing the heavens to open and shower gold, were…robust. Revenue increased by 12% – a respectable sum, even in an age of instantaneous replication. Net income, similarly, saw a bump of 13.7%. These figures, while impressive on their own, are merely the surface shimmer. The real story lies in their ‘Agentforce’ platform. Think of it as a legion of tiny, digital apprentices, capable of handling the more tedious aspects of commerce. Qualifying leads, soothing disgruntled customers, gently nudging them towards a purchase… it’s all rather efficient, if you ignore the philosophical implications of delegating human interaction to algorithms.1

In the first 15 months of operation, they’ve managed to deploy 29,000 of these Agentforce automatons across over 23,000 client installations. This translates to roughly $800 million in annual revenue. And, crucially, each of their ten largest contracts now includes Agentforce. This suggests that these digital apprentices aren’t merely a novelty; they’re becoming integral to the way large enterprises conduct business. A worrying trend for those of us who prefer a bit of human fallibility in our transactions, but a profitable one for Salesforce.

Furthermore, the broader business remains remarkably healthy. They currently have $72 billion in ‘Remaining Performance Obligations’ – a fancy term for contracts they’ve already secured. Deals worth over $1 million are up 26%, and those exceeding $10 million have increased by a staggering 33%. This indicates that Salesforce isn’t just selling digital apprentices; they’re selling entire ecosystems of interconnected enchantments.

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Expanding the Realm of Possibility

The cleverness of Salesforce lies not just in automating existing processes, but in creating entirely new revenue streams. They’re now offering premium subscription tiers that include unlimited access to these agentic intelligences, alongside bundles of analytics and data. It’s a bit like selling not just the sword, but the blacksmith, the ore, and the entire history of metallurgy.2

Some companies adopting the Agentforce platform are reportedly expanding their spending by a factor of two to four. This suggests that these digital apprentices aren’t merely replacing human workers; they’re unlocking entirely new levels of productivity. Or, perhaps, simply creating more work for someone else. The Aetherium, as always, is a zero-sum game.

This AI adoption is also strengthening Salesforce’s broader ecosystem. Agentic workflows rely on enterprise data, analytics, and integrations to function effectively. As companies deploy Agentforce, they often increase their use of other Salesforce platforms, such as Data Cloud, Tableau, and MuleSoft. The scale of AI activity on Salesforce’s platform is evident from the fact that the company has already processed over 19 trillion ‘AI tokens’ – a unit of AI data that sounds suspiciously like something out of a particularly convoluted accounting system.

A Potential Surprise in the Offing

Despite these developments, Salesforce’s shares remain under pressure. Investors, it seems, are still fixated on the potential risks of software valuations and AI disruptions. They’re looking at the storm clouds and ignoring the fact that Salesforce appears to have built a rather sturdy ark.

They’re failing to appreciate just how deeply Salesforce’s solutions are embedded in enterprise workflows – from customer support to lead generation to marketing campaigns. Customers, having invested heavily in Salesforce’s ecosystem, may see little incentive to abandon ship. The cost of switching, both financial and logistical, is simply too high.

Furthermore, the recent $50 billion share repurchase program signals management’s confidence in the company’s long-term outlook. It’s a bold move, a declaration of intent. And it suggests that Salesforce is well-positioned to surprise investors in 2026. Whether that surprise will be pleasant or merely…unexpected, remains to be seen. But one thing is certain: in the ever-shifting landscape of the Aetherium, Salesforce is a force to be reckoned with.

1

The philosophical implications, of course, are vast. Are these digital apprentices truly intelligent? Do they possess free will? And if they do, what are their motivations? These are questions best left to the philosophers, who will likely spend centuries debating them without reaching a consensus.

2

It’s a bit like the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists, really. They don’t just fund innovation; they

create

it. And they take a rather substantial cut of the profits, naturally.

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2026-03-19 16:24