The Alchemy of Splitting Stocks: A Tale of Sezzle and the Guild of Buy-Now-Pay-Later

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In the bustling city of Ankh-Morpork, where wizards argue over whose spell is bigger[^1], there exists a guild that few understand but many envy-the Guild of Alchemists and Venture Capitalists. And in this guild, no tale is more curious than that of Sezzle (SEZL), a company whose stock has risen faster than a startled chicken on caffeine.

Sezzle’s journey began humbly enough when it entered the market at a split-adjusted price of $3.78 in August 2023[^2]. Since then, its ascent has been nothing short of meteoric-or perhaps pyrotechnic, depending on how you look at it. After executing a 6-for-1 stock split in March, less than two years after going public, the company now boasts gains exceeding 2,200%. That’s right: two thousand two hundred percent. If numbers were sentient, they’d be suing for emotional distress.

But as any wise investor knows, what goes up does not always stay up. Following its recent second-quarter earnings report, Sezzle plummeted by more than 30%, leaving shareholders clutching their pearls-or possibly their pitchforks. Yet, even amidst this volatility, one cannot help but marvel at the sheer audacity of it all.

A Market Larger Than the Library of Unseen University

Let us pause to consider the landscape in which Sezzle operates. Buy-now-pay-later (BNPL) services account for just 2% of total commerce transaction value in the United States-a mere drop in the ocean compared to the vast sea of transactions worth $257 billion annually[^3]. Within this minuscule slice of the pie, Sezzle holds a paltry 1.4%. Yes, dear reader, let that sink in. This tiny player could grow into something far greater if fortune favors them-and fortune, as we know, is notoriously fickle.

Despite the recent plunge, Sezzle continues to dazzle with its business acumen. In Q2, it outperformed analyst expectations on both revenue and profitability, boasting a net margin of 28%. Such figures are rarer than a sober wizard at Hogswatch[^4]. Moreover, management projects year-over-year revenue growth between 60% and 65%, though investors briefly balked at these “disappointing” projections.

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What sets Sezzle apart from other denizens of the BNPL realm? For starters, its innovative approach to credit scoring optionality allows borrowers to decide whether their activities should be reported to credit bureaus. It’s like offering someone the choice between garlic bread or plain bread-except instead of carbs, it’s your financial reputation on the line.

Profitability Fit for a Patrician

Sezzle is not merely surviving; it thrives. With adjusted net income growing by 92% in the latest quarter and an anticipated full-year EBITDA of at least $170 million, the company resembles a dragon sitting atop a hoard of gold rather than a fledgling fintech firm[^5]. Even more impressively, Sezzle has begun returning capital to shareholders through a $50 million share repurchase plan-a move as rare among fast-growing companies as finding a unicorn in a cabbage patch.

To Invest or Not to Invest?

So here we stand, contemplating whether Sezzle is a worthy addition to our portfolios. On one hand, the stock trades at less than 24 times forward earnings expectations-a bargain, some might say, given its potential for rapid expansion. On the other hand, investing in such volatile instruments requires nerves of steel and a tolerance for chaos akin to living next door to the Alchemists’ Guild during experimental hours.

For those brave souls willing to navigate the treacherous waters of uncertainty, Sezzle presents an intriguing proposition. But remember, dear reader, the road to riches is paved with cautionary tales and broken dreams[^6]. Proceed with wisdom, and may your investments fare better than a wizard’s attempt at alchemy. 🧙‍♂️

Footnotes

[^1]: Wizards measure success largely by volume and spectacle. The louder the explosion, the better.
[^2]: Or so the scrolls tell us. Numbers have a way of changing depending on who’s recounting history.
[^3]: To put this into perspective, imagine trying to count every grain of sand on a beach using only spoons.
[^4]: Which is saying something, considering Hogswatch involves copious amounts of drink and questionable decisions.
[^5]: Dragons, incidentally, also tend to breathe fire. Coincidence? Probably not.
[^6]: As evidenced by countless stories involving overly ambitious alchemists and suspiciously glowing potions.

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2025-08-14 12:53