On November 14, Northeast Planning Associates did something so mind-bogglingly cautious it made me spill my overpriced almond milk latte. They bought $5.8 million worth of VictoryShares Core Intermediate Bond ETF (UITB +0.16%) shares. Because nothing says “we’re ready for late 2025” like doubling down on bonds in a world where the only certainty is that millennials will ruin retirement entirely.
The Move
Per an SEC filing that probably took six interns and a caffeine IV to complete, these geniuses now hold 287,198 UITB shares totaling $13.65 million. Let’s just ignore the fact that this makes UITB their second-largest holding. I mean, who needs growth when you can have a 3% annual return that even my grandmother’s CD account could beat with a nap?
The “Strategy”
Here’s where it gets spicy. UITB supposedly invests 80% in debt securities but reserves the right to gamble up to 20% in emerging markets. Oh, how bold! It’s like putting your savings in a savings account but “reserving the right” to blow it all on CryptoKitties. And don’t get me started on their “core allocation” philosophy. Core allocation? Buddy, your core should be rock-solid, not a vague concept you reinterpret like a college sophomore with Nietzsche.
- NYSEMKT: SLV: $19.22 million (16.3% of AUM)
- NASDAQ: UITB: $13.65 million (11.6% of AUM)
- NASDAQ: USTB: $12.65 million (10.7% of AUM)
- NYSEMKT: JPST: $11.08 million (9.4% of AUM)
- NYSEMKT: GDX: $7.97 million (6.8% of AUM)
Notice a theme? This portfolio screams “I bought every defensive ETF on the screen just to feel something.” Precious metals! Short-duration Treasurys! Core bond strategies! It’s the financial equivalent of wearing a fanny pack to a nightclub.
The Numbers Game
| Metric | Value |
|---|---|
| AUM | $2.68 billion |
| Yield | 4% |
| Price (as of Monday) | $47.41 |
A 4% yield? Adorable. In 2025, that won’t cover your streaming subscriptions. And why does the price end at $47.41? Why not $47.42? Is this a rounding error or a cry for help? I need answers.
Why This Matters
By making UITB their second-largest holding, Northeast Planning is basically telling clients: “Run for the hills, but do it slowly so we don’t spook the markets.” Their portfolio is so defensive it belongs in a medieval castle. Two-thirds AAA-rated bonds? Over 40% government securities? This isn’t risk avoidance-it’s financial agoraphobia.
The so-called “Foolish Take” claims this is about “capital preservation.” Wrong. This is about a portfolio manager who still flinches when someone says “market correction.” They’re so busy dodging hypothetical bullets they’re tripping over actual pennies. And that 3% annual gain? It’s the investing version of getting a participation trophy.
Final Thoughts
In a world screaming for yield, this ETF is whispering “I surrender.” Northeast Planning Associates didn’t make a move-they blinked. And when your strategy requires this many asterisks and defensive mechanisms, maybe it’s time to ask: Are you managing risk, or just managing your own panic attacks? 🎭
Read More
- 39th Developer Notes: 2.5th Anniversary Update
- Avantor’s Plunge and the $23M Gamble
- Gold Rate Forecast
- :Amazon’s ‘Gen V’ Takes A Swipe At Elon Musk: Kills The Goat
- Why the Russell 2000 ETF Might Just Be the Market’s Hidden Gem
- Top gainers and losers
- Umamusume: All current and upcoming characters
- 20 Anime Where the Protagonist’s Love Interest Is Canonically Non-Binary
- Stranger Things 5 Ending Explained: Was Vecna Defeated? All About Eleven’s Choice and Hawkins’ Future
- Overrated Crime Movies Everyone Seems To Like
2026-01-05 23:43