The shares of Tesla, that most mercurial of corporate entities, ascended today with the vigor of a mechanical phoenix. By 2 p.m. ET, they had nearly clawed their way to a 4% increase, a feat attributable to Elon Musk’s recent pronouncements on robotaxis and whispers of revived electric vehicle (EV) sales. One might imagine the devil himself perched on a stockbroker’s shoulder, muttering, “Behold, the future is autonomous.”
A Wider Robotaxi Release
Barron’s report on elongated wait times for the Model Y-now stretching from one to three weeks to a grotesque four to six-has been interpreted by some as evidence of renewed demand. Yet let us not forget: this is a company whose sales have hemorrhaged year-over-year in 2024, a season of Lent for EV enthusiasts. The tax credit’s impending expiration, that alms of $7,500, may yet drive a final stampede of buyers, as frantic as a horseman fleeing the Four Horsemen.
Musk, ever the ringmaster of chaos, declared on X that Tesla’s robotaxis would soon grant “open access,” a phrase that sounds less like a business update and more like a liberation from some bureaucratic purgatory. He further claimed that Austin’s Model Ys now possess self-driving technology six months ahead of their American counterparts, with “breakthroughs in Tesla AI” that render the cars “eerily human.” One imagines a Model 3 wistfully sipping espresso at a café, debating existentialism with a pedestrian.
Currently, these robotaxis lumber through Austin and San Francisco like sleepwalkers, their movements geofenced and overseen by humans who monitor them as one might a toddler with a remote control. It is a ballet of caution, where progress and paranoia waltz in uneasy harmony.
Progress on Robotaxis Is Good News
If investors have overlooked Tesla’s EV slump, it is because they have fixated on robotaxis, a venture that smells of gold to those who forget the cost of alchemy. The EV sales uptick may yet prove ephemeral, a last gasp before the tax credit’s coffin is nailed shut. Yet the market’s siren song is irresistible: a future where cars drive themselves and shareholders drive Teslas. Still, I remain skeptical of a valuation exceeding 200 times forward earnings, a price tag that suggests investors are buying not a company but a miracle-and miracles, as any economist or theologian will tell you, are notoriously hard to price. 🚗
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2025-08-11 22:56