Tesla: A Fool’s Errand (and a Decent Return)

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Right, let’s talk Tesla. Back in June of 2014 – a simpler time, before everyone was convinced their toaster was spying on them – I bought some stock. Why? Because Elon Musk, bless his ambitious heart, convinced me he was going to save humanity. Honestly, it sounded less like a business plan and more like a rejected screenplay for a really expensive sci-fi movie. Solar roofs! Mars colonies! Electric cars that wouldn’t require you to associate with gas station attendants! It was glorious…and, looking back, utterly bonkers. The stock, for the first five years, chugged along like a Model T. Perfectly adequate, but hardly setting the world on fire. Still, I was convinced a rocket was about to ignite.

Then, in 2019, I doubled down. Wrote articles praising the man as a genius – yes, I was that guy. Defended him at dinner parties, arguing with people who just wanted to talk about the weather. The whole shebang. I was a true believer, a Tesla evangelist… and, let’s be honest, hoping for a hefty return. You know, the usual.

The Red Flags? They Waved Like a Viking Funeral Pyre

But things…shifted. The Cybertruck, that angular monstrosity, sounded fantastic on paper – ultra-economic manufacturing, unique design. But the early prototypes looked like something a child built out of refrigerator boxes. And Musk’s marketing? Let’s just say it started resembling a desperate plea for attention shouted into the void. It was like watching a brilliant inventor slowly lose his grip on reality…and I had stock in it!

So, in 2021, I trimmed my position. Covered my initial investment, plus a little something for the trouble. You know, a safety net. A parachute. A very expensive, electric-powered parachute. Turns out, that was a good call.

Then came…the Twitter saga. Oh, the Twitter saga. A supposed genius offers $44 billion for a social media platform, instantly regrets it, tries to back out, fails spectacularly, and then proceeds to…well, let’s just say he lit the whole thing on fire. It was…clarifying. Try maintaining “he’s playing 4D chess” energy when the man is tweeting about meme stocks at 3 a.m. while simultaneously trying to dismantle a major social network. I dare you. It’s impossible.

I hit the “sell” button with the force of a thousand suns in the summer of 2022, converting 88% of my remaining Tesla shares into cold, hard cash. Another 1,900% return. Not bad for betting on a man who occasionally seems to believe he is a rocket ship. Two weeks before the first Cybertruck deliveries, I’d had enough. The last little handful of shares exited my account at a 1,480% gain. I tell you, the feeling was…liberating. Like escaping a particularly eccentric cult…with a substantial profit.

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Tesla Bulls Might Still Be Right. Or They Might Be Living in a Simulation.

The stock, as of today, is still up about 2,780% from my initial investment. Some of my colleagues here at The Motley Fool still recommend it. They see robotaxis, humanoid robots, a pre-IPO link to reusable spaceships, and a glorious AI-powered future. They’re optimists. Bless them. I’ve been wrong about Musk before, just in the opposite direction. It’s a humbling experience, really. A reminder that even the smartest people can occasionally make spectacularly questionable decisions.

What I Actually Learned: Don’t Fall in Love with Your Stocks

So, Tesla made me a pile of money. A truly impressive pile. But I still wish I’d just left the stock alone in 2014. Here’s my costly lesson: I spent a decade thinking I’d found a “forever stock.” A company so transformative I’d hold it until I died and pass it on to my kids. Instead, I bought a ticket to the “Elon Musk Experience,” and when I stopped enjoying the show, the investment stopped making sense.

You can’t separate a founder-cult stock from the founder. I tried. It doesn’t work. Every time Tesla announces something cool, I think about the CEO posting conspiracy theories. Every time the stock jumps, I remember that “Full Self-Driving” has been “coming next year” since the Obama administration. It’s exhausting!

The money was great, truly no complaints on that front. But I learned something more valuable: Don’t hold stocks in companies you don’t believe in anymore, no matter how green your brokerage screen looks. At some point, you’re not an investor; you’re just along for someone else’s ride. And frankly, I prefer to drive my own car…even if it’s a sensible, boring sedan.

These days, I sleep better. My portfolio is less thrilling. And when Elon tweets something unhinged at midnight, I can just scroll past. That’s worth more than another 50% gain. Trust me. It really, really is.

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2026-03-15 15:04