Stocks Tank! Is Bitcoin Our New BFF? 😱

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Okay, so the stock markets are having a full-blown meltdown for the second day in a row. Apparently, Jerome Powell, who I’m pretty sure is secretly a robot programmed to say boring things, said that Trump’s “reciprocal tariffs” (which sounds like a terrible dating app) could mess with the economy. Like, higher inflation AND slower growth? It’s like choosing between a root canal and paying taxes. 😩

Speaking at a conference on April 4th, Powell was all like, “Tariffs might spike inflation in the coming quarters.” Oh, you think, Sherlock? This is just months after rate cuts made us think we were headed for a “soft landing.” Soft landing? More like a face-plant into a pile of economic dog poop. Powell added,

“While tariffs are highly likely to generate at least a temporary rise in inflation, it is also possible that the effects could be more persistent.” 

Meanwhile, Trump, fresh from his Truth Social account (which, let’s be honest, is where truths go to die), was yelling at Powell to “CUT INTEREST RATES!” Always late? Honey, “always” is my middle name when it comes to avoiding responsibility. 🤷‍♀️

So, here’s the Fed, stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do they pause interest rate cuts and look like they have no idea what they’re doing, or do they panic and cut rates at the first sign of trouble? It’s like being asked to choose between wearing Crocs in public or admitting you like Nickelback. Powell says the economy is in a “good place.” Oh, is that why I’m stress eating a family-sized bag of Cheetos?

“Too soon to say what will be the appropriate path for monetary policy,”

The unemployment rate also creeped up to 4.2%. But wait! Non-Farm Payrolls added 228,000 jobs! So, is the economy amazing or terrible? I can’t keep up! CPI also rose, because of course it did. Everything is getting more expensive, except maybe my sanity. 🤪

Basically, the labor market is strong but inflation is being a total jerk. Just like Powell warned, thanks to those tariffs.

All this happened on the same day the DOW dropped a gazillion points. Okay, it was 2,200, but still! And some X-based market guru (because everything is on X now, even financial advice) said:

“$3.25 trillion wiped out from the US stock market today. $5.4 billion was added to the crypto market.”

Bitcoin to entertain further volatility

So, everyone thinks Bitcoin is about to get even more bonkers. Powell, with his talk of tariffs causing “higher inflation” and “higher unemployment,” might scare traditional investors into running to BTC for safety. Or at least, to diversify their panic. 🤷‍♀️

Apparently, BTC is “decoupling” from the stock market. Like, Bitcoin is finally dumping its deadbeat boyfriend, the S&P 500. Bitcoin hit a 9-day high, then Trump rolled out his “reciprocal tariffs” on “Liberation Day” (which sounds like a low-budget action movie). The price immediately face-planted.

But since then, Bitcoin has been holding steady above $82,000. And when the stock market went full-on Titanic, BTC rallied to $84,720. Is Bitcoin the new cool kid in school? 🤔

Independent market analyst Cory Bates posted a chart and said:

“[…]Bitcoin is decoupling right before our eyes.”

With China slapping tariffs on US goods and Trump badgering Powell to cut interest rates, the market is basically a clown show. All that volatility could send Bitcoin’s price sky-high as a hedge against uncertainty. Or, you know, it could just crash and burn. Either way, grab some popcorn! 🍿

Back in the 2018 U.S.-China trade war, Bitcoin didn’t do much for the whole year. But when things got extra spicy in mid-2018, it saw a 15% price bump. So, who knows? Maybe this time, Bitcoin will finally become the economic superhero we’ve all been waiting for. Or, more likely, it will just be another excuse to refresh Twitter every five minutes. 🤣

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2025-04-05 00:35