So, the market’s…there. It’s not down, exactly. Which, frankly, is unsettling. It’s like a polite acquaintance you avoid making eye contact with. Everyone’s talking about “signals.” Signals! Like the market is sending smoke signals. What is this, 1883? And everyone’s got an opinion. Like they know something. I just want a little return, okay? Is that too much to ask? A little peace of mind. Buffett, that guy, he says “be greedy when others are fearful.” Easy for him to say. He’s got enough money to fund a small country. I’m just trying to not lose everything.
Anyway, two stocks. Two. That’s all I’m focusing on. Because if I look at more than two, I’ll just get overwhelmed and end up buying beanie babies again. It’s happened before. Don’t judge.
MercadoLibre. Honestly.
MercadoLibre. Latin America. E-commerce. Fintech. It’s a mouthful. And it’s all happening down there. Like we’re supposed to be impressed. It’s just…a lot. They’re doing well, apparently. High growth, strong profitability. I read the report. It’s filled with percentages. Percentages! Who cares about percentages? I want to know if I’m going to have enough money to replace the roof. That’s what I care about. They say e-commerce penetration could double. Double! As if that’s a guarantee. They’re lowering free shipping thresholds in Brazil. Brazil! Like that’s going to solve all their problems. It’s just…a gimmick.
And the fintech thing. Total payment volume up 54%. Monthly active users up 29%. Assets under management up 89%. It’s just numbers flying at you. Like they’re trying to confuse you. I swear, these companies deliberately make their reports difficult to understand. It’s a conspiracy. A conspiracy to keep me from making a sensible investment. They claim they have a “huge growth runway.” A runway? What are they, an airline? It’s a stock, not a Boeing 747.
Dutch Bros. Coffee. Really?
Dutch Bros. Coffee. Okay. Coffee. That I understand. But a thousand stores? And they want seven thousand? Seven thousand! That’s an absurd number of coffee shops. It’s like they’re trying to corner the market on caffeine. And they’re expanding. Constantly expanding. It’s exhausting just thinking about it. Revenue up 29%. Net income up. Comparable sales up. More numbers. More percentages. It’s a never-ending barrage of data. And it’s all supposed to make me feel good? It doesn’t. It just makes me anxious.
They’re adding a food menu. Food! To a coffee shop. What’s next, a dry cleaning service? It’s just… unnecessary. And mobile ordering. Of course. Everyone’s got to have a mobile app now. It’s like a requirement for existing. They’re piloting different store types. A walk-up shop in Los Angeles. It’s their top-performing location. Three times the number of order-ahead transactions. What does that even mean? It’s just… showing off. They’re flaunting their success. And it’s irritating. They claim it’s a “no-brainer” for strong gains. A no-brainer? Nothing is a no-brainer. Everything is complicated. Everything requires effort.
So, there you have it. Two stocks. MercadoLibre and Dutch Bros. I’m not saying they’re good investments. I’m just saying…they’re there. And I need something to do with my money. Don’t blame me if it all goes south. I warned you. Everything is a disaster waiting to happen.
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2026-02-18 22:32